Wow

just frikkin wow.

You ever just sort of stop, and turn around, and realise "Holy crap, I can barely see the last plaace I stopped."

Okay it's not particularly poeting but, jeez. It's crazy to look back a year, two years or more and just see what all has happened.

Saw some crazy stuff did so amzing thing, might sum it up a bit, but it still boggles the mind to thinks that a year ago, I had one blog, now web comics, now online store and now collection of word puzzles. I had ideas and a few gifts worth of hand made jewelry and a few things that were going on that seemed like a lot at the time.

I've since then sold things as an artist at a convention, signed actual autographs (I'm still slightly embarrassed and confused by that but amused anyway), been assaulted, made a few things, thing I hadn't even thought of before.

I've a computer and a new freind, I'm looking very seriously at switching over to making money in some of my creative ideas.

I mean it really feels like it was three years ago I was sitting in that room in the crazy landladies place getting frost bite on my toes and planning a few projects for the coming year. But by most peoples measures of time that was a year ago.

To put in perspective: Goober, People of the clear waters, Runcible (the superheroine), rayguns, halloween costume, and many other things...
they didn't exist a year ago.

Heck some of the ideas for the starting of them hadn't even completely gelled yet.

What will it be like in a year?
Take care of yourselves.
Rovingjack

so anyway...

there once was this thing called a blog I used to tend to...

Okay so I've been fairly well neglecting this baby for a while. It didn't happen conciously but is really an after effect of the ride my life has become in the last few months. It's likely to be a bit more of that too in the forseeable future.

It has, I think to do with the quiet and to the point way in which I live; and my tendancies to be an idea person. You see when those are the ways you do things you have so much to say and think about that you could fill blogs and books.

But now I've invited the red tape world and gremlin filled layers of existance to it all. Where I depend on others and have others depending on me. Emergencies and events happen all around and none of it is anything really worthy of note or inspirations.

It's almost like inspiration is being bled to death by a billion and one papercuts of minutia from life.

Bleeding away the minutes of my days so that they are spent in the manifestation of nothingness. It's sloppy, it needs streamlining.

I'll have to see what I can do about this.

Take care of yourselves,
Rovingjack

Some things

Have been sort of sidelined over the last few years and I'm thinking of reviving them for the near future. Some of them might not seem like overly huge leaps or particularly complicated and time consuming ventures but they add up in the scheme of things.

But it's coming to a point that I feel it wouldn't be folly to not do these ideas in some way.

It's kind of strange to think that I, the pervayor of strange ideas and shameless actor of absurdities, cringe back from something that seems like fun and intresting to do simply because it is 'crazy'. Yet for some reason I've tucked them away.

I know I can't just do them all and never worry about time and money concerns but there is no reason I can't set some of them in motion and just see what happens.

So while I whittle away at what is left of my aster list for this year I will be pondering some of these strange and amusing ideas and maybe even setting some of them in motion. As they happen and move towards full realisation I promise I will bring some of them forward for the parusal of others.

Take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack

Yes indeed

as often seems to be the case with my post nano thought processes instead of crashing and running on empty my muses are running on high. So naturally I feed them more raw materials to work with and they get all excited.

On top of it all there are a couple of geek songs that are stuck in my head right now and have been for weeks.

Some very intresting things are brewing in my noggin, and I just wish I had me a wee bit more time and money to delve the depths of these ideas and share the maddness with the world, but instead I will have to delicately parcel out those resources and manage some wonderfully strange but simple things to begin with.

Be advised that in the coming weeks I might be distracted and inspired, and I can't always garuntee that I will make a lot of sense (even more the case now than usual) but I can promise to test your fragile grasp on reality.

It's a fun day when I can break a mind.

Take care of yourselves.
Roving jack

muse food

It's been a while since I went shopping for food for my muses.

The ladies and I've been very busy and when we arn't doing projects together I'm being side tracke way more then every in my life.

So Now that I'm all high on my nano writing and such I'm happy to get back in touch with them and work on museings.

one really great way to do that is to feed your muses. What do muses eat? Why the eatthe dregs of information and conversation, as well as questions and thoughts.

So wandering the boards of Nanowrimo and reading the posts of the last month can give some intresting muse food.

you might have somebody ask a question like "Why would my evil world power genetically manipulate the population of earth?" To which you could say "so they can get you all to drink more coffee, which becomes the drug of population control" or some such thing, and then you start getting ideas for stories about humanity beeing bread to require certain supliments to survive and that is how big brother controls the population. Which leads you to wonder ... and so on and so fourth.

A page away somebody expounds on the originality of making the humans the bad guys in their story and they explain it in their setting but during that explaining they fail to notice that their story idea is not original and maybe only passable that in the background and idea they had could be polished up and reworked to provide a killer story premise. With sad poinginat undertones and empathetic characters of a non human variety.

Sometimes one idea in one thread slapped together with another idea from a completely incompatable idea from another thread can be mangled together for a truely strange idea that could be reworked inton something beautiful.

It is food for my muses.

It is yummy for me too. I like tasty ideas.

Take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

Hmmm

No jello brains?

My butt hurts and my hands a little, and I'm sleepy.

I'm fairly satisfied with my 50k words. Considering they were almost all done in the last three days, yeah that's pretty dang good.

MMM sleep.

Take care of yourself,
Roving jack

yummy burps

man I cannot tell you how nice the taste of roast garlic and red pepper pesto that I made to season the poultry this thanksgiving is. I cannot eat much in the way of certain foods and I eat very much the same foods over and over, due to not having a lot of options.

Even when I do try something differant it's important to try very tiny amounts and to proceed carefully and not do anything new for a while afterwards.

But I figure I've got time off and it's a holiday. So...

Take one red pepper and five cloves of garlic. clean the pepper of seeds and stem, put the garlic into it drizzle a bit of olive oil into the pepper and tightly wrap it in foil. put it in the oven at 350 (or 400) for about an hour. rotating it a bit every twenty mins to help it get the oils and shifting the materials around.

when it's done let it sit to cool down still tightly wrapped. You can just peel the skin off the pepper and garlic with ease.

pour the oil into a food processor and toss in the pepper and garlic add a bit of kosher salt and oil as you blend it. You can make it a bit thicker with less oil or more saucey with more. finer processing or courser to taste.

you might be able to use it as a pasta sauce or a condement in a sandwhich, or rub it over meats or veggies.

you can also add a tablespoon of it to a bit of water to make something of a broth which you can cook your meat in or add to a stuffing.

I cooked a chicken breast in a broth of this and it gave enough flavor for me to enjoy the flavor and I still taste it hours later... yummy burps.

take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

Semiurgent regroup

Okay after way more stress and drama then I like in my lfe, I expected to sort of just be done with it all. Apparently most people don't change direction that easily.

So I'm looking at making adjustments and allowances in things to take some of this into account.

Poeople of the Clear Waters will be updated before the weekend pending access to a scanner. It's the latest I've ever been on that, so I do feel guilty a bit but I suppose that's not going to help.

Goober should go live on time tomorrow If fate hold.

The lady of the mechanism is up already.

I'm making some things for peoples to eat for thanksgiving. And laying the foundations for a few projects from my master list over the next few days.

I'll be working on the rapier and ordering the materials for delivery in the nexts week or so.

But mostly I'll be writing. The stories I started with are bacck burnered as they are serioes and dramatic and tense... and right now I wanna be silly, snarky and play.

So the new stories are the second chapter of the super hero (in training) hermaphrodite named Runcible. And a story that involves a magic bikini. It's all really rather fun and weird.

So yeah that's the update for now.

Take care of yourself,
Roving Jack

I worry about you sometimes

Serirously, I know life can be hard on people and life for both of us has been hard in general and in recent months. That's partly why I worry about you so much right now.

I've done my best to help where I can and should, if it were somebody else other than someone I lived with I'd do more, but as it stands it is not my place to help further.

You used to talk about being optemistic and posative, and now you withdraw and assume the worst.

The hardest thing about the whole situation is you get so upset at the slightest thing, that minor annoyances that are worth of a roll of the eyes and statement of your preferrances from now on in similar situations, have caused you panic, anger and depression. What's more is people who actively help and do their best to both sympathize and solve the problem become target.

Being angry is okay, being upset is okay, but then find a way to solve what caused the problem. Usually the answer doesn't involve fighting or running away. This fight or flight response to simple things may be a sign of something serious that nobody should try to hide or deal with alone.

Lashing out in frustration at others simply because they are not as upset, or don't see things from your point of view is like lashing out at a dog because it's in your way.

The thing I worry about most is that you'll convince yourself that you are unhappy with the people arouind you and the places you are in, and run away or push away... only to find some other place and some other people you are unhappy with and do it again, and again, and again. When the problem is that you are unhappy. Changing places and faces won't change that.

People who care can help you through rough spots but they not involnerable to lashing out.

I guess I'm just asking you to

take care of yourself,
Roving Jack

I'm angry,

and tired, mostly tired, but stil angry.

I don't ask much, I rarely say no when I'm needed. But one thing I ask for myself is to participate in Nanowrimo, script frenzy and my convention.

A grand total of sixty three days out of a year, where I would like five to six hours of those days to myself, to write and do things I'm passionate about.

So how is it that I've not been give one stinking minute to do this.

What's worse, I've had to deal with stupid crap that really isn't my problem but it somehow becomes my problem. I've had six hours of sleep in the last 68 hours, and of all the rest of that time do you think I've been able to do something that I should have been able to start in the first of this month. Something I plan for the whole year to do. No!

I'm bloody serious you all just need to leave me alone. If somebody I know isn't bleeding to death or on fire, leave me the heck alone and take care of it yourselves. Really, the world got alone before me, and it won't stop turning when I die, maybe just maybe it can get along fine without me for a little while.

Take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

I'm looking at a lot of work to do

If I pull off my nano goal for this year it will be a miracle of muse magic. It's still doable, sort of... I think. Is it possable to pull off four consecutive days of 12-14 thousand words... twice?

anyway when I cross the deadline this year I think achieving anything would be impressive give the amount of stuff I had to deal with.

But a part of me wonders if I had actually gotten started on time where would I be? I mean shooting for 150k in what amounts to 15 days now. Imagine if we used the whole 30 days this hard and to their fullest. Could I really get 300,000 words under my belt in a month.

I'm pretty sure at some point I'd go start raving sane and have to give up my plans. That's a fairly severe level of voluntary brain damage.

I've heaard that there are professional writers that don't do anywhere near that volume, but then there are those that do more then that. The question is how much of that is scrapped and how much is used, how much is edited or rewritten vs created from scratch?

I've got to take care of my webcomic tonight, then get back to writing. Then bed (mmm that sounds good, I had trouble sleeping last night and thus got only 4hrs sleep) then wake up early to take care of the cable internet install at the apartment. Then write a bit and grocery shop before work. Then thanksgiving dinner at the Uni. Then writing then sleep and then writing and work and then writing and sleep. Then some time off from work to whole up and write almost nonstop for four days before going back to work.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

MMM sleepy

my body has been craving sleep and enforcing that on me of late. It been long dreamless sleeps for the most part and I've been alternating five hour sleeps with the nine and ten hour sleeps without any seeming ryhme or reason.

It's turning out to be rather inconveniant.

I've got writing to do and a few other projects to attend to. could we maybe crash later.

Even tonights Social gathering was less cooky then usual, I fear we didn't shock or offend anywhere near as many people as usual.

I'll do better next time.

It did bring back a few old weird ideas and revive my intrest in a few others. The four pink socks of the apocalypse needs to be worked on soon, and also sowing chaos and dischord.

But writing is the big one right now and taking care of the raipier hilt design and construction. once we've done some of that I can ... finish a thought apparently. Whatever. I need to get out of here and go take care of some things.

Take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

way too much to do,

and not enough time to do it in.

Trying to get the rest of the move in stuff taken care of. and I'm not talking unpacking yet.

Mostly just get the TV, internet and what have you taken care of. The eletric is good and the heat not a problem. Gas for the stove is full but we need to figure out that stuff too.

Utilities are going to be split three ways, so they won't be all that expensive. It's just getting together and making the arrangments and then schedualing the set up and waiting on the service providers to do it all.

I've got another day of work and then I can focus on a whole day of writing and what not.

Take care of yourselves.
Roving jack

Twenty days left

Bussiness cards ready for final touch and approval and I gotta see if I can source some copper sheet metal for a project in the next week. I'll do the research for that bit tonight. Then update PotCW tonight. Prep and save blog entries for my blogs.

That way I won't have to pay attention to anymore stuff for the rest of the week and I can focus on just doing the novel writing.

Twenty days for 50,000 words would be easy enough, Heck even 100k would be do-able.

But in my standard way of doing things I've set myself the goal of 100k of new novels and an additional 50k of finishing old novels and revision.

Sorta wish I'd used the first ten days better. D'oh.

I'll keep ya posted.
Take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

Today on the procrastination list

While I'm wasting time, I decided to clean out my in boxes in my e-mail accounts.

Some 6 thousand e-mails later I'm mostly done. Mostly as in maybe another 2000 to get rid of.

Part of the inspiration for that was that a few times recently I've managed to not be able to find a few e-mails that I needed. One was an art design I needed for a comission (albeit a tiny one of a few dollars), which I just resent because I couldn't find it. The other is a series of links for suppliers for materials I need for projects. I know I sent it to myself in an e-mail, I just can't seem to find it and may have to surrender to the fact that it's gone and I'll have to hunt up a new list of suppliers.

I'm still at a startling 2000 words for this currant Nanowrimo. Though I have reread my first nano winner through. It gave me some mixed feelings.

It was definately not as good as I remember it, with too much narration and even that wondered from the point too often or failed to communicate the concept properly at times.

It was also way too focused on "and thens". Meaning that it was racing from one tense scene to another.

The good news is I can now look at the story and butcher it. Cut it into meal portions. Those narration parts could be turned into story sequences that "show not tell" the story. Which will only help to space out the tension and racing pace a bit more.

Some good things I noticed thus far is that the characters seem well defined and consistant, and the story concept kept me wanting to follow it to it's conclusion.

The end needs a huge rewritethough.

It also helps me to see these things and realise that a novel can be written and clumbsy at first draft and still bring into being a good finished product after redrafting and editing. Which gives me permission to just plow through the writing of my current two.

That really is the point of nanowrimo. To get it done no matter how sloppy and then fix it. Because to apologise and make amends is easier than getting permission. essentially if you wait to get everything perfect and try to get approval at every step of the way you will never get anywhere in writing.

Barf it up all over the page and then feel embarrassed, apologetic and then make it better. Because once it exists the rest is just fixing. and we all know books and movies that where bad, but could be fix if...

That's my thought for the day. Now I'm off to update Goober nice to Meep you. Set up some info for updating the people of the clear waters again. Then Get home and ready the next PotCW for scan and post tomorrow. Then read a bit of my past novels and mark them up with pens. Plan my writing my new novels out for tomorrow and get my food ready for work and then get some rest.

Tomorrow I've got to mail something and then head to work. Update a comic and then it's writing time, serious this time. I'm going to push hard. My hope is that by the end of the month I will have on the order of 150,000 words and possably more saved up. One part of which will be a better if not final draft of "For want of an Anchor".

Another part of it will hopefuully be a finished draft of "Dear me, You have forgotten yourself. Love You."
I really hope to not have to redraft that one as the style is very destinct and I think integral to the story. But Lets get it done, then give it a year so that when I go back over it I will be able to tighten it in any place it needs it.

And then of course I'll have two new novels. Last years Novels will be on the repair list for next year. Though I will likely scrap one of them and focus on finishing "Attirs War".

That's not mentioning script frenzy. I've got to think about those during april. I've got at least three favorites that could use a redraft and cleanup. Then It's time to start shopping some of these around.

See you maybe tomorrow.
Take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

I have

I have a new winter coat.

I have a place to live.

I have food.

I have water.

I have income.

I have a car.

I have clothes.

I shall not starve or thirst, I shall not face cold or rain. I shall be able to come and go. I shall have money to maintain these things.

My time now is set aside to work on Nanowrimo. Please life, let me enjoy this challenge for myself. I want to do this.

As crazy as it sounds this is my vacation. I do it twice a year, and then I spend a week in connecticut each year.

This isn't asking much. I still get up and go to work, I still get and prepare my food. I still clean up after myself and this year I will still be doing a few other side projects. But Let me call my muses in and we can sit and work on having adventures in far off places that have differant rules from our world. Let me get to know people there and spend days and weeks in the journies and excitement that happens in those hours I am off adventuring.

I want to play with my brains plasticity and test my limits as a writer and story teller. I want to feel so very tired and as if I've spent months or even years away from my life when only a few short weeks have gone by.

I want to celebrate doing something so crazy as to have written 150,000 words of novels in a month. I want to stand at the finish link in awe and say, "Holy crap! I bloody did it!" and whoop out loud.

I will uncork all the bottles and let my muses out, with their kin to celbrate and ride the creative high of it all. Then crash for a week and some sleep as time rushes to catch up with me.

So Life this is my request and my notice. I'm going on my adventure, please send all forwarding mail and excitement to some time after the first week of december when I'll have recovered from it all. Nothing so urgent is going on that I cannot let it stand for a time.

Take care of yourselves,
Rovingjack

Just for fun

Let's wait until I'm ready to head out and use public access computers to really get writing, and surprise me with the door knob breaking and effectively making the front door locked and unusable.

Then I can use the time I should be enjoying the struggle to build momentum toward a truely marathon like writing spree, to instead disassemble a door knob and get the door to usable so that I can leave and get here to write... after I look up contact data on internet providers for our area so that this gets taken care of asap.

And so instead of eight hours of time to work on this I get less then four.

And then for giggles lets remember that I have to go to one more possable store that may actually stock bulk quantities of one of the foods I can eat. So I don't have to buy five bags when one larger bag would be more ecconomical and easier to deal with.

But that's okay, because tomorrow while I'm searching for that I can look into the doorknob situation. Rather then trust that a locksmith that pulled this one over on the landlord and the easily flustered and confused landlord to take care of this all. I can price the right parts and swap them in myself for a quarter of what was charged for the job that just fell to peices.

Grumble grumble.

Take care of yourselves,
Rovingjack

Luck sir, but not as we know it.

Sir we discovered luck... but I've never seen it's like before.
It's luck alright but not as we know it.

Is it good luck or bad luck to be getting your previous writings together and find that over ten thousand words of it are missing from your thumb drive... and then dig through your emails to find the copies of each individual addition saaved to emails you've sent yourself.

Is it good luck to have a huge task before you and schedual that uses every last second to get through it planned and ready to execute... only to be asked to pick up an extra day at work.

I mean I'm pretty sure I can work with either way on the latter case but it's just one of those, why now moments that comes along.

Seriously universe, what drives you to test my resolve so very much.

Right well I've got a holy butt load of stuff to do and not enough time to do it in, So I'm going to break out my super powers and see what I can make of this mess.

Take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

Blargh

a bit of a crumbly start. I've got to sit down and figure out where this is all going tonight so that I can come in early tomorrow and get to work before work on the novels, and then again after work.

As it is I'm going to have to binge hard this weekend to get myself back up to where I need to be word count wise.

I know I wrote 100,000 words last year in just over half a month. I'm a little unclear how exactly I pulled that off, but it does suggest that I can do what I've set myself this year.

Here is hopeing I have some great successes tomorrow and through the next several days.

Take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

Fun Fun Fun

I wore a costume, saw folks I havn't seen in like forever. I even got some much needed sleep.

Now the move is over, and it's time to get back to my life.

I've a sword to make, bussiness cards to make for somebody, a few props to make, webcomics to maintain, word puzzles to make and compile, jewelry to make, a few other goals for the years master list, and Nanowriom has now officially started.

My goal this year is again bigger than last years. Two novels like last year. Finish the inspirational one I started as my first ever nano novel, Edit and redraft my first ever completed novel from the same year.

Then to relax and unwind I will unpack my room at night, prepare the next days food, clean up a bit. thursdays will have to be errand days I think.

That way I get out and get things done in less traffic and crowds, but I'll still do some writing then too. I'm fairly sure there won't be a single day where there will be less then a thousand words written this month after tonight.

Busy crazy fun.
take care of yourselves,
Rovingjack

I go 'way

I'm sleepy and sore. I'll be back when I'm more collected and capable of intelligent posts.

Take care of yourselves.

Rovingjack

What once was stolen

...is now returned, but in the mean time a few other things have gone missing.

But the good news is he is no longer allowed on the property without filed paper work at the courthouse, and a ploice escort.

Goodbye bloated one.

May you reap what you sow and may your reapings suit you and leave those around you untouched to bare your karma alone.

Take care of yourselves,
Roving jack.

A little at a time...

I remember a story a few years back about a woman who covered a mountainside with flowers, by planting just a few each year.

That what it feels like to move this way. Each day you put in a hours effort on your way to work. and in about a week and a half to two weeks it's all there but the bed. Then you just roll that up and take it over.

You are in and ready to start over.

Being a book lover however has it's drawbacks. Books are heavy. 170 books are really heavy.

Anyway, hopefully things will settle out better here and I can remain here for a good long time, or until I find exactly where I'm supposed to call home for what remains of my life.

I'm sleepy now, go night night soon.

Take care of yourselves,
Roving jack

On shaving

I have shaved.

Once upon a time I had no facial hair that I let grow. Then I hit my junior year in high school and decided to grow some. whispy as it may have been.

Pretty much from that point on I cannot remember ever being without it.

It occured to me the other day that I've not seen my own chin in the mirror for some decade and a half if my memory serves me.

Part of that is fear of the dreaded baby face. I'm not as young as I look and I already get confused for an early to mid twenties. I don't want to be asked what Highschool I go to.

So out of experimental curiousity I shaved it off. and quite frankly I don't think I look all that differant. Though to be fair I used an electric which leaves a little shadow behind and thus the implication of a potential beard. I'll think about it a bit more before I decide wether to grow it back, shave closer or something.

I guess I will say that people at least noticed. Unlike the time in high school where I shaved the right half of my mustache and chin but not the left. Three classes before somebody noticed.

Most people noticed today, and a few ventured that they liked it. Nobody disliked it near as I can tell.

Take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack

Is it wrong...

Is it wrong to become gleeful when a waste of humanity gets slapped upside the head by karma?

I don't actually feel bad about it but some part of me thinks I should feel bad about being happy about the whole thing.

So I'm conflicted.

The thing is, I don't like the idea that I would wish bad things to happen to another person. But if your are going to throw crap staight up you deserve to get it back in your face.

The thing that makes it almost seem okay to laugh about it is, that it's all the doing of the person who is getting it. The sad thing is he will likely blame everybody else for the problems he has. Likely badmouthing them, and never learn a thing from the experiance.

But for the first time in as long as I can remember I'm happy watching somebody take a fall. I look at the individual and see a long list of greivances and abuse of others that lay hidden under the surface, and I think it will be a long fall. And I hope it hurts and ...

Well I hope it leaves you scarred at the very least.

I begin to see the value in some of those old ways of marking people for their crimes. Who would trust their wares to a theif with a T branded into their forehead.

And when you fairly well embody five of the seven deadly sins...

Is it wrong to be gleeful when Karma slaps somebody upside the head?

Take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

I'm sort of binging right now

I anticipate that I will be very busy during november as it is once again national novel writing month.

I will look into a couple of options I have toward having a computer where I live. But even with access when and where I need it I'm going to be very busy. And likely tired.

That on top of some other things and a last two and a half months of time (starting about NOW) to finish up some of the things on my master list for the year.

So I'm working lately, and trying very hard to take care of some premo important things. And at the same time I'm trying my hardest to be social and get human contact in because I'm going to disappear for a while and likely the home stretch will be around the holiday. You know the one at the end of november, whichever that one is.

That day will come and likely my whole world will be tight with trying to make the last writing dash on my novels, and at the same time trying to reintegrate myself with freinds and family. and then trying to carry that momentum over into doing as much of the rest of my master list before december is over. then visiting family and I may or may not actually get work during the last part of december or any part of January. They are moving the kitchen to the new dining complex.

I actually feel tired just thinking about it.

But I'm excited about it.

I'm thinking two novels this year and finishing up two previous novels as well. My two top choices are both fantasy this year, and one of the ones I need to finish is the very first novel I started. Really other than that there is one of last years novels that needs finishing, but I think I just want to second draft the first winning nano novel I did and tidy it up. So that is really just more about editing.

Meanwhile for breaks I will likely be working on master list projects. and maybe getting some fresh air. Watching movies with freinds and cooking meals for some people.

It's gonna be one of those months where it feels like I've compressed a whole year into a month.

Take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

An exercise

I'm still dealing some things that are promising to be less than smoothe, aquiring something of mine back that for all intents and purposes falls into the region of theft now is one of them.

But more pressingly, much of the drama of late comes from where I work. The cutting of hours amongst other people means not enough people to do what needs to get done. The influx of new workers means a lot of mistakes are made and half the people take more time to do the same jobs as the former workers.

There is one however that needs to learn a few things about how to talk to people who are the ones who make the kitchen work.

He is condicending and arrogant in his attempts to run the kitchen, and whiney and underhanded when talking to the management.

Unfortunately the regular floor manager with whom I work is not going to be there for the next few day. Sadly his mother passed away and he is taking time to attend to those affairs. And guess what wonderful person will be filling in for him.

So I will be exercising an option that to the best of my knowledge I've not done maybe more than once or twice in these several years. I will be saying no.

The regular floor manager does right by me, and he respects his workers, and does well.

If he is short a person on the line he has but to ask and I will serve students and have fun doing it and entertaining the students in the process. If the short staffed pasta bar needs sombody to cover for it while the person there takes a break (after six hours of work without a break) then for him I will gladly do it. He needs but ask and I will spend an hour scrubbing skillets in the prepare to order section when the office has failed to schedual a proper worker and the pans need cleaning or the entire area will have to be shut down, I will cover that as well as my usual duties.

But this new guy, the disrespect he has shown and the choices he has made. I have my job to do and I will stick to that. Ask all you want for more from me, the answer is no. I do them as a courtesy and aid to a compatriot. It is your job to see that they are done, and I am not yours to command.

No malice intended, no feelings either way. Simply a system much like my policy on loaning money to others. You get a chance (within a set limit), if you do not return it or otherwise prove you do not take it as a serious responsability to do right, then I will likely never loan you money again.

Many of the other employees are not even going that far with this individual. I've just got to wonder what is wrong with the world when people have to do things in this way to protect themselves.

What ever happened to honourable conduct, respect for others (and their differant ways of life), and hospitality (as our anscestors defined it as a sort of common code which all people should hold themselves).

This is turning into a bit of a harumph, and really I don't feel that way about it, accept maybe the fact that I have to change my way of being to be more resistant and closed. Not my style.

take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack

Transmutation

By taking things down to the simplest form and focussing on working with the important componants I've managed to see possabilities and options available to me again.

So now that three option plan is unfolding to a series of options and potential that can allow me to do differant things. Each one with advantages and potential to lead into the other ideas.

With time and patiance a thread becomes a web, each strand supporting others covering more area and allowing for motion from one strand to another when individual strands become compromised.

And near as I can tell, it's not been compromised at all by a bit of the drama of recent days.

That's been the hardest part for me. Drama.

I like new things and puzzles and challenges, but when drama comes along I don't know what to do with it. It's not my area. You can't find the answer to drama, it's not a question. You can't prove or disprove it, and you certainly oppose it.

As much as we try to pretend otherwise it's a prevading fog in life. A love one is hurt, a relationship fails, a job becomes tripped up in beurocrasies. The emotional reaction to these types of things is where the drama comes from, and while the thing itself might be changed or overcome the emotions of it can't so easily be forgotten or dealt with.

Drama can be good and it can be bad, like many things in life, and even which it is can depend on the person and their individual tastes.

But for me, it just confuses me, and tangles my feet so other things get put on hold.

But maybe I should try to see about working with it. Design some tools and techniques for dealing with it. But for now there are priorities. Once I'm on more stable footing I can see about the dramatic aspects of life.

Take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

Now I have the giggles.

I worked extra today, doing dishes and emptying out a broken freezer. And I sort of enjoyed it. And as a bonus I got many of those compliments to the effect of being able to be counted on and such.

I'm dirty and drenched.

A hostile bully in my life has just made me laugh so hard that there were very nearly tears. I love when idiots think they are brilliant and just prove themselves to be the biggest joke and still don't realise their mistakes.

I'm also immensly happy with the karma that the fool is reaping.

I've also apparently gained one or two freinds from the experiance, and that's an interesting experiance. I'm freinds with people but this is uniquely differant. It's harder, and tricky. I sort of like that sometimes. It's not always fun but intresting is good too.

Not sure what it is, maybe it's the energy of the people, many of the people around me that I call friends are often times like like the willows in a windstorm, calmly bending and bobbing and weathering the storm. These people now seem to have a bit more of the storm in them.

Good for some things, not so much for others. But having only one type of freind is like eating peas and chicken exclusively. It will keep you alive but it's hardly ideal.

So I guess the biggest differance is that right now I got a little cold blooded. I did my best to meet certain requirements and am still going to wait and see what some of the next few days turn out for me. But I've seen to my responsabilities to others. Now I just need to see to my needs and if others would like to come along that's fine.

It's much easier that way. And once that is all taken care of I will settle back into living my life the best I know how, moving ever forward toward plans and ideas that I once thought way too pipe dream to reach and now I can't imagine not heading toward them.

take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack

I feel queasey, can I get off this ride?

Worst day ever, followed by a day of annoyance that I got to watch turn into a very posative experiance and felt all wonderful about, then a day of dashed hopes and what feels like a callous slap in the face considering what I've been doing. Then a stuttering inability to actually recoup from a fairly minor setback because communication seems to be disrupted in some bizarre way.

Very tower of Babel.

Really, it's not some big production. I had a primary plan that hinged on approval from an outside source. I have a back up plan, requiring a meeting soon, and there is a tertiary plan should it come to that. And failing all that I can have freinds and family help for a bit. We arn't even there yet.

What's more The back up plan was the primary plan for a while and we all seemed on board with that. Something sweeter came along and we went for it, It turned sour, but nothing wrong was done to cause it as near as I see. If you know otherwise please by all means point it out.

So now the back up is back up at the front. It's still a viable option as far as I can see and still an improvement. I plan to do my part for it. I don't see what the issue is.

Really it is three simple questions:
Do you have a plan?
What do you see as my responsabilities in the plan for the future?
What's the schedual look like?

Simply put I've got my answers and had them from the start.

I've got a plan, it has a three part solution and a family and freind bail out as described above. It's in progress and it's not failing or changing in any way that I can see.

Responsabilities to me by others are simple. Don't commit me to anything without making sure I'm able to do it (and willing too I guess, but even that is negotiable if it's not frequent and abusive). Let me know what you want and I'll do my best for you. And don't expect perfection the first time out.

My schedual is simple too. 1pm to 430 pm on week days unless it's an emergency. Noon to midnight on weekends unless it's an emergency or otherwise schedualed. Check first because you are not the only persons who asks of my time. I will squeeze you in. The currant plan has eight to ten more days to make work. after that twenty some days.

Longer term plans are available if need be.

I never say something I can't follow through with, and thus I leave wiggle room in my life for Murphies law, and my illness. Not one of my freinds or family have had a serious complaints about my not being there for them and rarely do I ask much of others.

We all have bad days and I'm not the most straight forward communicator in some ways and I certainly am not perfect, but I like to think I'm dependable. I'm also not much of one for waiting. Okay sometimes I'm arther impatiant, which is amusing for somebody who can occasionally be late.

To sumarise, I know what I have to do for me. What do you want me to help with or do for you? I can and have adjusted the former for people and never begrudge them that.
If I can't do it I'll say, and if I can do it I'll tell you I think I can do it (murphies law, failing to anticipate it has caused a fair number of folks undue stress).

I've got contingencies as that is really what security is about. And I'm flexible, and that is what freedom is about. I know that in many ways you cannot be completely free and still be secure and you cannot be completely safe and be truely free. Some balance is required.

I think I strike a decent balance for me right now, if you have another idea I'm free and flexible enough to give it a try. But again ask and I'll tell you what I can do.

Half the wipsawing in my life right now is due to too many guessing games about what others are expecting and what I need to do for others.

This is way too long now and I'm not going to get any clearer on my position. I should hope that it makes sense to most of the people who read this even if they arn't involved in any of the things that lead to this post.

Take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack

!@#$%^&*()

Worst day ever, or at least in a very long time.

I'm in a right pissy mood and would rather not talk about it.

Here is hoping for a better tomorrow.

Take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack

Okay okay I'll post again

But I don't have to like it. actually what I would like more than anything right now is sleep. I am soooo very tired right now. Longer hours at work doing several jobs, many without proper materials.

Then working hard to square away a lot of things when I'm done working. Thankfully most of the people I work with and know outside of work are very understanding when I share some of what I'm faced with right now.

I'm handling it all pretty well, I think. Though I don't always share it all with everybody simply because if I didn't half of you would freak out, and that's neither warranted or helpful. Trust me, when I'm freaked out then freaking out might be an option, otherwise don't worry.

Maybe that comes from my illness a while back. Having faced tourturous pain every day for months and wasting away from starvation even as you try to find something your body can hold. It changes you a bit.

You sort of look at the other piddling crap that comes along and think, "bah, you arn't an obstacle, just a little extra flavor for the story this will all make later."

Or maybe it's just me. I have a habit of ... how to put this... Do nothing small. Goals I set myself are usually big enough, often part of something bigger still and always seem crazy from the outside.

But at the same time crisis for me tend to be a bit big as well. Whirling storm of chaos seems to fit better at times. But like rainy days and sore muscles, sometimes a little excitment is a welcome thing.

were was I... oh right, half asleep in the computer labs getting ready to do a few things before heading back to try and get some sleep before I have to be up and doing things tomorrow before work and then working and doing things after work and...

I am going to be tired for a long time to come.

Take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

Play time

While I often times would like to maybe have Naptime at work I will admit the play time is nice.

Okay technically there is no schedualed play time, But I have some anyway. Like today while washing dishes, which isn't my job, actually it appears it's nobodies job anymore in one section of the kitchen, because despite needing one they no longer pay one. So anyway I'm doing the washing, and gathering a hand full of suds from ontop and clap my hands so they explode everywhere.

And yesterday when Bob was having trouble because he had nobody to help on the line, and then there was nobody to cover for Pasta bar while the woman was needed elsewhere, and there was nobody to do dishes at stirfry. I did those thing on top of doing the pantry stuff I usually do. So I snarked about I am nobody.

I was dancing to no music the other day and got somebody to laugh. I make jokes and sarcastic comments to students all the time in fun. And occassionally I deep fry origami.

The thing about this is that I'm sure beyond a doubt that there are some people who work in the kitchen that would never dare do such things. But why?

I mean others laugh and I laugh and the mood of the place in general picks up. It allows me to find the fun and wonder of anything if I can clap my hand and proclaim "Bubbles!".

It's no hinderance to productivity, and can even help it by helping mood and morale.

But some fear appearing childish or worry what others might think about them.

Quite frankly if people are that worried about a grown person enjoying bubbles in the sink while they work or dancing a cardboard box into the recycle bin then they've found a far worse waste of time than I have. Worrying about being productive and enjoying existance is like worrying about pretty flowers and such.

I declare today and forever more, playtime.
take care of yourselves,
Roving jack.

Let's try something

When I was just a little child, I told my mother exactly what I would be. Well okay it's the rewording of that song, but still try it with me.
What did/would the child you once were believe you would always become?

Seriously, princesses, and astronauts, superheroes or mad scientists? It's important to not let the world that landed on top of you turn this into a question of what makes sense. This is about dreams, hopes, innocent opptimistic joy at the future and a confidance about your abilities to realise your dreams.

Write a story about that inner truth, does the princess always where pink? Or the astronaut for that matter?

Sometimes telling the story to a freind, your kids, yourself or just writing about it in a journal will fill your day with happiness. Sometimes finding simple small ways of doing it will do.

Want to be a singer? Kareoke might be perfect for you.

I'm not saying quit your day job, I'm stating that too often the thing that makes us unhappy or even worse run away from happiness (sometimes into a bottle, or a needle) is forgetting those dreams.

I lost my dreams once, and the future was dark, and the past was useless. The present was simply struggle and tumult. But I found a way to dream again, and yes I work in a kitchen, and yes I've lived in bad places. But dreams provide me with an anchor... believe it or not.

Share your dreams with somebody you can trust, someone who won't quash them because they fear that your dream will take you out of their lives and leave them alone since they stopped listening to theirs.

Then do them, find little ways to do them. pirouette at some point during your day, draw maps of the surface of the moon as you explore it through a telescope.

Don't hide, or run from this part of who we all are. Sing badly, dance clumbsily and dream big. Laugh at how simple it really is to tuck little peices of dream into your daily life, and how much better it makes your days.

Take care of your dreams,
Roving Jack

I will say this

I'm learning some things about myself that are intresting. Learning things isn't always fun or easy but once you've learned them you are better prepared for things to come.

The hardest part for me right now is this idea that to be assured of my well being I need to take care of myself first. Once I do that I can come from a better place to help others. If I don't take care of myself first though I'll have nothing to stand on and then I'm no good and can't help myself let alone anyone else.

It just seems backward to me.

But at the same time I'm learning the value of a few really good people in my life, the value of true friends (some are even family, imagine that). Now to think about that pride thing that prevents me from taking that help should I need it.

Nothing like a close to the bone period to make you aware of how dangerous pride can be if carried too far.

Take care of yourselves and each other.
Roving Jack

What's going on

seriously, a whirlwind has decided to dance with me.

a flurry of choas and activity has decided to take me for a spin and is enjoying itself so much it might never set me back down.

The gusts come with gusto, and respiration fills one with inspiration. But truely it can be a bit much to take.

If all goes well I will get the much needed pay check on thrusday and then I can go settle some things for now. Then comes the wait for the next week where I can take care of the last of a list of things and get myself current. Then comes the wait for the next week so that I can throw it at the encrouching chaos that threatens to pounce. It will probly be a few more checks after that before I'm settled out for good.

But if all goes as planned it really will be for good, or at the very least the better. And it's always nice to know I have those who care for me and offer to help out. I may have to suck it up at some point and take advantage of that offer, but for now I will stubbornly insist I trying on my own and seeing if my plotted course can really bring me through just above that point of desperation.

It can be hard, but it's also rewarding to know that in these situations that have other people wonder how I even do it, I can really see the value of planning and preperation that I've layed down as my contingencies. I'm crazy but I'm not reckless.

oh and I've been called a "sower of discord", I like it, it has a nice ring to it. I shall have to put it on a T shirt AND WEAR IT WITH PRIDE. Didn't mean to type in caps but I like it and thus shall post it as such.

Take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack

Running with rapiers

I figure scizzors were insufficiantly dangerous. Plu I'm making a few rapiers these days, so it seemed apt.

But mainly this is about how it always seems like a crescendo of activity this time of year. Back to work, and still doing my projects, though they seem to increase in number each few months now. Then social activities, which also is growing from near nonexistant to more substancial these day. And other responsabilities.

If I could find it I'd love to read that note I wrote to myself a year or more ago. It seems so very very long ago that I was first starting out doing some of these things that I now do, and that I first faced this illness.

Like lifetimes have passed and now I'd like to look back at the worried youth from what ever this place is I'm at now. There is some part of me that cannot imaginge any further crescendo to my existance but I can't really believe that this is the top, the peak. I guess it is up to me to figure out how to climb the clouds now that I'm up here.

Sometimes it really does feel like that.

Take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack

Is it okay

Is it wrong for me to get exasperated a bit with good news.

I need these first pay checks to rebuild my finances, and Last year when I was given an extra day in my schedual it helped a lot.

But this year I was told I'd be working the original number of days again. So I set myself to that sort of expectation.

Now I'm not really complaining that my floor manager wants me to work an addition day each week, It's really quite flattering to be wanted and appreciated.

It's just that I'm tired and I've got loads of non work work to take care of. and this fudges my schedual and will wear me down a bit more.

I think in addition to minions I need a second body that I can use while this one sleeps off the tired.

Take care of yourselves,
Roving jack

Hmm, not as good as expected.

Oh I've done some things this year and all but I've not nearly made as much progress as I had hoped for by now.

I'm gonna have to really apply myself hard to get some of these things together and really cut a swath through my list of goals for the year.

Off I go now.

Take care of yourselves,

Roving Jack

Sheesh!

I suppose it's a good thing I had this most recent burst of energy. I feel a bit like I've got a billion things going on.

I'm a bit tired but things seem to be going well enough. Knock on wood and all.

I've really got to buckle down on a few projects over the next few weeks to see to it that things get done as I've said I would do them.

It's actually more like a busy next four days then a less busy but still hectic few weeks. Then comes october. My favorite month of all. Then november and crazy Nanowrimo to devour the moments of my existance.

Then december and and it will be january before I pause and wonder where the heck all the time went and yet look back and feel like three years have gone by.

That sounds kind of negative but I'll be living a life or two between then and now. It'll have ups and downs and some great memories in there too.

Take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack

New energy

a looming cloud of lethargy has suddenly lifted, and I'm suddenly aware of how badly I've been bungling things. I'm amazed that I got anything done in time for the convention with this staggering lack of motivation on my part.

But ... let me carefully phrase this as to avoid the jinx monster... Things are looking up and I think I can get back into the swing of things, using what remains of the week to make up for lost time.

Then from there it's going to be about maintaining momentum and keeping inspired. Switching from finished goals to new ones to knock more off and get me closer to finishing my list of goals for the year.

There are some new ones on the list too so perhaps when I get a chance to do so in the next few days I will work my way through these posts to find this years master list and addend to it the additional things I've done since making the list.

When the year comes to an end I'd like to check off a good chunk of the goals, I'm shooting for more then twenty of the listed ones as an improvment over last year, and then I'll add the other big things I did this year.

So I'll be doing a lot of listing and itemising for a few posts, but I will try to do it in some kind of exciting way.

Take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

in memoriam

Today I saw something horrible happen, it was sensless and sad.

A crime commited by the city I live in, at least it seems a crime to me.

To strong and healthy lives cut short and their remains left out in the open for all to see.

The city I live in decided to cut down to health maple trees right outside our front door.

If it had been humans I think we would all be aghast at the trucks coming in and choping all the limbs off them and putting them through the mulcher.

The thing that gets me is there really was no reason to do it that I can see. Prune them maybe if you must but to carve them up into little peices and leave their mutilated trunks there dieing.

But on top of that to waste full grown strong and healthy maple wood by just chipping and mulching it.

It changes the heat index of the front of the house, and now we can see clear down the street and ill repaired sidewalks, hear more of the ... city detritus. and we can see that ugly strange cement ... thing in our neighbors yard and we have no idea what it is... my guess is something to do with sewage, because I sure would swim in something that looked like that.

Not only is the shade gone but the green is gone. It makes the street look just that little bit more dead.

Despair city dwellers, look upon our lifeless asphalt expanse and despair, for we are your masters taking what light grows in the world and squelching it beneath our heel. So sayth the city god.

Take care of yourselves, and your green cousins.
Roving Jack

Oh come on!

Seriously, that's where you end the series? With that?

That's like ending the star wars franchise with empire strikes back.

What are you thinking?

Sorry just had to get that off my chest. We will return to our regularly garbbled stream of conciousness in a moment.

Take care of yourselves... for the next few minutes.
Roving Jack

Hopeful

I've about a week or so before I've got to head back to work the kitchens, so I've got to tidy up some affairs and get myself into a routine to see about getting things done while still working earning the pay checks.

But Hopefully I'll be more productive this year then last and keep moving forward in many of my plans.

Unfortunately or fortunately depending on your view I'm running toward the end of the tv show I've been watching on hulu.

It's enjoyable and I may have to track it down on DVD at some point, it shares a lot with Children of the atom by Wilmar Shiras (might be spelled wrong) which is one of my favorate books of all time. I reread those stories on a semi regular basis.

But once I'm done watching the show I'll have a bit more time to put towards my goals.

Which I should get to reviewing now. Take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack

I gots

I gots food.

I gots water.

I gots money.

I gots a place to live.

I gots Goober updated (no thanks to drunkduck and their system failure for twelve hours yesterday).

I gots books to read.

So I can rest better while I gots sick from the lack of sleep, unable to eat at the right times and not able to have much in the way of transportable food, work stress thing yesterday.

Yeah but I knew it was coming so no suprise. I should be better by the end of tomorrow.

Still gots stuff to do.
YOU gots to take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack

Sorta happy

Map done, wake early for meeting done, gas in car done, and looked up panyo and didn't understand any of the result. I did some other things too.

But mostly its nice to get some of the stuff off the list and be able to plot out where to next. I've still got a whole boat load of stuff to do and all but I figure that I can apply myself to my remaining tasks with a bit more of an even keel.

I was asked by somebody yesterday if I still do some of the projects that I occasionally do... or was it phrased as the stuff I'm always doing.

He wasn't really deeply intrested and likely couldn't recall or remember any one specific project, and that's fine. It just reminded me of all that has been going on and that I've been doing.

I still sometimes have to stop and marvel that it's only been a summer since I saw some of these people, and yet it feels like a far greater stretch of time has passed. Yet the beginnings of all this seem only yesterday and infinately far back in some ways.

My life is only begging to release it's potential and already it feels a wild managerie of dreamscapes have paraded out and swathed the world in so many colours and patterns.

(yeah bear with me, my back hurts and I've got less then three hours sleep over the last 36 hours).

it's like every kid gets a box of crayons with which to draw their world with and I discovered that underneath the standard colors like blue and green were things like 'amusing blasphemy', 'vivid whispers' and 'algorythmic symphany'.

I think it's something like falling awake.

Take care of yourselves.
Roving jack

Okayish

Okay got some of all that taken care of. Now I've got to get back and try to get a few more things done before coming to a meeting early tomorrow.

Grrr this is going to annoy me and upset my system for a few day, especially with everything else going on right now.

Anyway, I've got to take care of a few things before they kick me out. I should have lots of time tomorrow, considering all I've got to do, that is a good thing. But I'm gonna be one heck of tired.

Take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack.

Gaaaaahh!

I've got a lot to do over the next twenty four hours.

A I've got to get some gas in the car tonight. Cash in the rest of my coins tomorrow. That should get me through the next week fine and I've more money to arrive in a day or so.

I've got to finish painting a map for a quasi-commission by tomorrow night, Before the socrates cafe meeting (likely my last one for the forseeable future).

I've also got to get to work on redesigning the sketches for a commission prop. Actually it's two of them but one is better tried as a paper model photographed.

Then I've got to wake up early on Wednsday for an 8 am to four pm mandatory meeting at the school where I intend to earn paychecks again this year. That's likely to upset my system for a few days.

Then I've got to get ready to return to work the following week probably.

I've also got to juggle some financial things that are way last min. But should go through just in time. Then there is paying the state of connecticut (I promise I will save that rant for a better time).

Then there is the lattter I really need to send to my genetic sister.

and I still havn't looked up Panyo for my sister.

At some point cricket really should get an air filter and a pcv replacement which I can do... with the spare money I'll have in a week or so.

All that and getting back on course with word puzzles, comic making, story writing and a few other things that need doing to get some of my goals done and get me ready for the impending Nanowrimo in Nov. While working and creating.

Peice of cake... cranberry mustard cake with ranch icing maybe. (yay a runcible food, I thought of one last night, blue cheese flavored cotton candy... mmmmm)

Gaaaaahhhh!
take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

Hardening plastic or threshhold

I'm sure I owe a bit more on the front of story in the connecticon and such but theres been something that's been on my mind lately.

Some of you know me and interact with me enough to doubt what I'm about to say, because well it seems improbable for some. Just keep in mind it's all relative.

I'm a creative sort, I long ago discovered the wonders of the plasticity of the human brain. and I play with my brain.

It's one of the true pleasures in my life to be able to change my mind, literally. From pondering hard science to devising a story or joke based on word play, to creating images so abstract that they border on madness enducing.

I flip from one to the other with relative ease and joy, trying new things as if i've been practicing them for a while (mainly because I have, in my head) and thinking of things to try that others never even though of before.

Example range from deep fried origami to glass resists in the soldering step of stained glass to give added control to laying down the beaded solder.

These ideas get laugh and praise by others, and it's heartening to know there is some appreciation of these idea, no matter how uncomfortable with praise I can often be.

But lately I've noticed something that sort of worries me. I don't know what causes it...

Is it that I've got so much on my plate now that I've found the limits to my plasticity, my brain simple saying this far and no farther (until at least we clear a bit of this up to make more room). Or is it a sign that I am loosing that ability all together.

Things that used to come to me in a snap sometimes don't come to me right away, and changing directions and gears is more likely to be more bumpy now then it has in the past.

Am I loosing it, or have I found my threshhold. Is this something I can force myself past, like moments past.

For All I know it's just some blip in my path, but ...

I don't know, I'm sure it kind of seems silly. But imagine for a second that you live your life as is right now, and you have the ability to levitate half an inch off the floor. Some people are amazed some can't imagine what real use it would be, but through it all it's something you are proud of about yourself.

you play at it and experiment with it, for more time and differant positions, but one day you find that you arn't able to increase the amount of time, and another you falter while doing something you've done a hundred times before.

What would you do at that moment? Might you post your random stream of thought to the web to vent them?

I don't know, it's stupid, but there it is,
take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

Or not

I'll instead see prospective new housemates and wonder if I will fracture their fagile little brains with my innate me-ness.

Then I will drive here and eat my lun in the dark rainy parkinglot listening to celtic folk music.

Then I'll come in here and do a few quick projects before disssolving my remaining hours watching a sci-fi program.

it's intresting to realise how much of my time can be eaten by the watching of a program or two, and I really wonder sometimes if it is in fact a matter of choosing to live a life or watch a life being lived.

I'm not saying that some of the shows I've watched arn't good, or that they have no value, but as I've learned in the recent years, my ability to do things is limited only by my ability to do things.

It sounds like a Yogi-ism, but really and truely I have finite time to live in and parceling out that time means marking out what truely matters and what one wishesto apply themselves to. I may watch a bit more from time to time, But I think I must choose more carefully how I apply myself to my life.

I have goals I want to see realised and a person I want to have been by the time has come to look back on my life.

Take care of yourselves.
Roving jack.

Where are we...

Well I've watched a bit more tv on the web, thanks to my new one dollar headphones.

See I took all the pennies I had to one of those coin thinies and recieved my six dollars from the lady at the register. Then went to the dollar store and bought a pair of cheap earphones.

Now I can watch all kinds of silliness. Like today I for unknown reasons decided to watch the first episode of Buck rogers (from the 80s). It was kind of funny.

Next time I think I shall look up and see if I can track down an episode of the smurfs that I'm curious about.

See I remember there being a clockwork smurf but apparently there was a clockwork smurfette too. So research is in order.

Yes it's a silly thing but really those can sometimes be some of the best things in the world.

Be silly and take care of yourselves,
Rovingjack

No fair

stupid cheap headphones, I want to fritter away my time watching a canceled program on the net and you cut the sound out.

Now I must aquire another pair of headphones before I can resume my watching. And I know the show is not that good but well my house mate had it playing the two days I stayed home sick and I have to admit I like the premise and some of the character concepts. It's also picking up intrest from my muses to get me back on track for some of my other projects which I've woefully been neglecting.

Nobody showed for tonights socrates cafe, caan't really be too upset. it allowed me to get here and do some things I'd have otherwise had to put off until tomorrow. But I can't watch my silly show now. Sigh.

I know it all sounds stupid, but sometimes that's just how I want to be.
Take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack

Being snotty

I've got a cold. I'm stayin at the apartment tomorrow and maybe the next day.

I need to recover enough to get to the 8am meeting about working again this year. Miserable day walking people and their foolish scheduals.

Honestly what is the facination with sleep deprivation in sunrise sunset scheduals in this culture. Like we should be proud about getting only five hours of sleep. "It mean I'm working hard." Bull it means you like abuse and functioning below optimum.

What is so bloody wrong with a good eight hours and being up at the quietest wee hours in the morning to sample the beauty of the cooler crisp air the starts or thunder in the night sky. A moon or meteor shower. the patter of rain in the night. Long talk outside conveniance stores with stoners and shell shocked, scitzophrenic vietnam vets getting their lives back under them.

Days can be nice too. But lucky for me I'm up during that part too.

Carpe Noctum
take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

Right, well anyway

I did some things, watched some things and feared some things.

On with the story I guess.

Driving driving driving. It goes faster when you're stressed and slightly paniced. At least that is my recollection.

I got there and tried to figure out a good place to park. I was pretty tired by that time. I made it to the hotel.

Talked to the person at the desk and yes the convention rate is infact applied and I do have a fridge for my medical needs in my room.

We'll just take your card. Putting the cost of the entire stay plus 50 percent on it, the latter will be returned at the end of the stay or within several bussiness days.

Wait what?

So after emptiing most of the money from my pockets to make my bank accounts match to the needed cost we will be running an additional 50%. It's a bit late to be tossing that at me now.

But it went through. I'm assuming because they went with credit card rather then debit.

Anyway I went to get my badge for the con, and eat. Then I went to figure out parking arrangments. Turns out it's 18 dollars a day max charge or you could buy a thursday through 6pm sunday pass for 60. Or a friday through 6pm sunday for 40. Unless my math is very very off, I think I'll pay the daily rate for thursday (especially since I was there for all of five hours before it was friday) and get a friday to sunday pass.

Only that would be all my money. I mean all of it.

But A lovely freind and supporter of mine was more then generous about it. And for that I shall get her back, mwah ha ha ha.

So glory onto the finally bloody there and set. Now It's time to work on several of the projects that need finishing and to prepare to get going early (for me anyway) the next morning.

Fortunately I remembered my loose change bin in my trunk. Never made it in from the last time I moved. Not counting pennies... 30 something dollars. Now I can give change at the table. and counting change is soothing in some ways.

Assemble the ready componants for ray gun... well two of each model to start with anyway. Get materials for Sigils runes and sacred geometry panel, pack up wheely crate (can't believe somebody tried throwing this away a year ago, it's so useful) and try to sleep.

So Ended the getting there part of the trip.

I shall return to the story in time.
Take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack

Crazy

Crazy inspired.

Geeze it's like I suddenly woke up or something. I've been getting inspiration in explosive globs for the last twenty four hours or so. You know in the time when the computer labs where closed, the only scanner I know of is not working and all the stores close early for sunday.

GAH!

Gotta remember that this is exactly why I have the notebooks I've had for years. Those moments when my head gets ready to go all 'splody and stuff. Get it down in the note books so that when it all settles out you can use the less inspired moments to make them real.

I was really caught this evening by a moment of a work in progress gelling in my mind.

It's almost impossable to describe the feel of it for me. One moment I'm sitting in my car eatting the must be eaten meal in the parking lot listening to the tail end of an important song for me. The next min some idea that was adrift in the back of my whirling mind quietly humming to itself (that's sort of how I am able to function, just function on the surface and let the rest bounce around in the back of my head, conciously there but not spilling out into the rest of the world).

Then Boom, it muscles it's way to the front knocking even autonomic functions like chewing and swallowing out of the way.

Here is an idea of esentially an antagonis for a story with lightly defined setting and a protagonist, that has now shown me how the peices fit together and how the Antagonist is a victim of the allies and the circumstances and that shattered hearts can cause war. The setting has becoe much richer and the story more tragic. Images and scenes dance before my eyes, and I feel the emotion that's key to evocative story writing.

It's all happening in a few blinks of an eye as I sit in the parking lot with food in my hand. It leaves me marveling for the next half an hour before I can pull myself together to get in here and take care of things that need doing.

It's awing some times. And when that happens multiple times a day it means I've not enough time in my world to do it let alone just absorb it all.

To the notebooks.

Take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack

Again time runs out

But at least today I got some writing done.
I'll come back tomorrow.
I'm having fun writing again.

I did get a call from work to see if I'm coming back again. So I'll attend to that. then I think this is the saturday I've a group meeting on.

But yeah some time tomorrow

Take care of yourselves.
Rovingjack

The day for adventure

Right where was I....

Ah yes, the night before the drive down and my car Cricket is hopefully well and ready.

So I try to sleep... try being the operative word as I have many a project to finish up and items still to pack for the journey. The food has been cook over long hours. Then frozen. It's an awful lot of food. Four days worth.

It's mainly just peas and Chicken thighs. and a bottle of honey shall accompany them.

But sleep is fleeting as I struggle for it. Eventually the time comes where despite being the second or third night of less than six hours sleep it is time to get ready.

I have some few errand to do before I head down to connecticut and of all the obnoxious hastles in the world these are but minnor ones. I figure I can get what I need at a local store. Only to find that they have not what I seek.

They do have an ATM however and I decide to check my finances again. I know that at the end of it all I should come out just above broke but checking is always a good idea.

Well let the panic ensue, as I have one third what aught to be in there. frantically I drive all the way up to the capital city wher the bank I most often deal with in person is and proceed to check on my account.

It seems that the hotel has already withdrawn the first days costs and it is a goo twenty dollars more then anticipated (likely the taxes). Well I scrounge out the last bit of money in my pockets and build my account up again. Aware now that I will likely spend the remainder of the month with three dollars in my pocket and buying food with gift cards from the holidays and my birthday (unless I make anything at my table at the con).

I call to check with the hotel which By this point I'm due to check into and I still have a three hour drive to get there... and twice through tolls (for about 1.10 each). It's settled and I've found the last few things I need for my projects for the con for small currency.

It's time to head down. Well almost, one more little errand first. I had to stop at a certain filtered water fountain to top off my empty bottles of water. See with my illness, drinking the city water in any area while traveling is not a good idea. And unfortunately the place where I live has water so chlorinated it will strip paint.

So began the trip down to connecticut. Wonderfully stressful way to begin.

Take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

Where

seriously where does the time go, I got here nice and early and yes I had lots to do but I've been here for hours and now there is no more time for some thing yet to be done.

Sigh I'll try for either tomorrow or the day after.

Take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack

ps : so much for a little down time and slowing down once I get back, haha, onward adventure.

A harrowing experiance all around

If you know me you know by now that when I tell about things that happen in my life it's either an all or nothing way of doing it. Either I'm quiet and don't say much or I tell the epic saga of buying peas at the store.

I think it's just the story teller in me.

So without further ado... The Epic Saga of my trip to connecticon.

It began in, of all places, my car. Known as Cricket. She is a little black three door coup with the back and passenger seat cluttered in a way that baffles me as to how it continualy happens.

I'd just had the brakes 'fixed' in order to pass inspection a month ago and it had cut my savings near in half, which makes the summer living that much harder for me until school begins again and I get work again.

The brakes are still not working the way I feel they should but the repair shop tells me that they fixed it all up.

So imagine my suprise when nearly a month after that and a few days before my three hour drive to connecticut is to take place, my brakes fail on me.

The individual in front of me came to a rather sudden stop, forcing me to try to do the same... only the pedal sponges out underneath my foot and the car keeps moving forward.

Fate was on my side, as we had been in a slow traffic area and headed up hill.

Sucker that I am for tempting fate at moments like this I made my way to the nearest store I knew that had car care supplies. Driving with mostly no brakes and a serious case of frayed nerves.

Once parked it was quickly discovered that the brake fluid drum was empty. Again fate was on my side. Brake fluid is cheap and I am poor.

Once it was topped off Cricket worked as if nothing were wrong. The garage couldn't see it the next day but the day before I was to head down to the convention they looked at it and found an old seal that they hadn't replaced when they did the brakes and surmised by the discolouring of the area around it that the brake fluid had been leaking slowing over the month.

They fixed it up and said it was right as rain, free of charge as well.

And so begins the adventure, more to come.

Take care of yourselves.
Rovingjack

Wow

Even if it is a greatly imprecise word, it suits the situation.
As is often the case here I'm going to just post off the top of my head, and thus hope to be given forgivness for by occassional struggles with what disability makes me incapable of spelling and such.

That and I'm a bit tired and physically recovering (both generally and illness wise) from a wonderfully fun weekend with more then a few stressors.

There is something about me that I might not convey overly well at times, that being that I am quite shy, and more then a bit socially awkward. Praise and such often confuse me and I get flustered.

So when I get asked to sign autographs, get many compliments on my arts and crafts and get people wanting photos with me, I may seem lost or distant.

I really need to get better at that, especially if I'm to keep upping the quantity and quality of my projects.

I will be posting a bit over the next few days aboutthe convention this year and my experiances there. I'm still a bit tired.

I did post a link to my deviant art account though for those intrested.

I've a bit of other stuff totake care of tonightr thenI'm going to get some sleep.
take care of yourselves,
Rovingjack

I'm so embarrassed

I had a little episode with the car today that made me a little raw. That after two very important tasks over the phone are being tripped up by people not answering the phone or the system not working on their end. These are important money/legal calls and they aren't reachable.

Sometimes things just cut my fuse short.

Anyway I got to the computer labs to do some important things and then for the second day in a row my ability to post my comic was stopped by some little quirk in the system.

And having the shortened fuse that I have today, I started to speak rather nastily to the computer.

What can I say, it helps sometimes. Only this time it actually was audible enough to distract a young lady on another computer some ways behind me.

I generally try not to get foul mouthed in the presence of the ladies, I know you're not frail or nothin but... I just don't (excepting the occasional argument with my mum or my sister, but that's family).

So now I'm a bit embarassed. and truthfully I'm going to have to watch it over the next few days as my fuse is likely to be clipped short each morning by problems for what remains of the week.

Two and a half days to the con and then when I get back I'm taking a bit of down time.

Take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack

Side tracked

A bit of an understatment really.

A few days ago maybe a week ago, my muses decided they had some intresting story ideas that turned wild fire on my mind. They consume my days, drowning out all other thoughts and preventing me from concentrating, and they are twisted little things too.

There are some times when I get scared by what my mind can come up with. Things can happen inside a head when creativity, curiousity and sometimes anger get the chance to play together.

The shear imaginative hieghts a mind can go to, simply by asking "what if?" can be profound and wonderful, but occasionally they make my blood run cold.

Thankfully these stories are not like that but they are way outside the "hey look what I wrote!" zone.

Actually reminds me of the time ... you know what I think I'll delete that and keep that to myself.

Nothing evil but just something that might forever change how you think about me.

Of course when my muses arn't drowning me in these stories they toss weird dreams at me and a strange desire to get some kind of peircing... like finger tips, or something else a bit unusual. I don't know why, I've never really been intrested in such things before.

So yeah instead of being able to concentrate and get what I need done this is where my head is now. It's a little frustrating really.

Take care of yourselves.
Rovingjack

Lots done lots to do

I replaced the emergency goober comic and sent in the new one tonight, along with the rolemodel and the quote for them.

Then I sent the newest People of the Clear Waters into the buffer for monday update. I did some errands this afternoon that will get a fair number of projects started over the next few days.

I think tomorrow I need to go food shopping and mail a book for paperbackwap.com and then get a few other supplies. Then I come here and update my other blog and possibly the next goober comic update both due wednsday.

Then it's time to whole up for a few days and work on projects at the appartment to get ready for the convention. If I manage it properly I should have a great deal to show for my efforts com a week from now and then I have a bit more to do to prep for the con.

It's all an insane amount of stuff really fast but it's hopefully a good start to a slightly more steady creative production.

Take care of yourselves.
Roving jack

99 bottles along the walls

I've taken an intrest in intresting and decorative bottles a bit over the last few months and/or years.

Part of me just likes containers and really like the ones that are truely unconventional. But of late it has occured to me that they would make intresting 'doll houses'. Sort of like doing a ship in a bottle only you are making a cozy little home.

What's more is the connection with muses (which are more properly known as Genii, Junos, Genius and or Daemon). The tangled thread of how we know and identify our spirits of inspiration is more then I can go into in one post here, and I am seriously considering doing a book about the topic,
is an intresting one.

But what it all really boils down to is an idea like having a place for your muses among your things, or even maybe a place for a guardian angel of totem spirits to have as thier own.

I may not decorate the interior of a few special bottles but I will decorate a few just to try it out at some point.

It seems a cute idea and has creative, spiritual merit as well.

Just something I thought I'd share.

I'm going to be very busy so I'll see you when I see you.

Take care of yourselves.
Roving jack

Scanner still broked

No am Happy!

scanner no worky make brain no worky.

GRRRRRRR!

No comic updates, no bussiness card designs to upload and adjust for somebody, no cartography to show at the guild pages, Though now that the brain tries desperately to not freak out I'm wondering if maybe I can photgraph the comics with my digital camer load them into the computer and touch them up for posting until such time comes where I can have scanner access again.

If things do work out sometime soon I hope to no longer have just the one scanner to depend on soly. I'd like to get my old one from storage and hook it up to something that works as a computer of my own and be able to do things on my own and simply use this as an emergency backup.

Hmmmm, isn't nice when venting frees up the minor annoyances that block you from realising potential solutions.

Take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

I think I can, I think I can

Scanner at the labs is down, a little bump in the plans for some things to do at my table at the con, a lot still left to do to get ready.

I can do this, I can do this.

I did managed to get a lot taken care of yesterday though I made up for it today by doing nothing so far.

I'm going to be bussy tomorrow but since there is a chance that the scanner will be up and running tomorrow and I past need it I will be in here hope filled and in a hurry. I might even grace the internet with my prescence.

This is a crazy amount of work, but hopefully it will all be worth it.

Take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

If all goes well

I will again be going down to connecticut for several hours tomorrow. It's hard to do as I spend more time driving then I do once I get down there but it's kind of nice. Just wish I could stay later.

Anyway, I'm making some headway on some projects and procrastinating on others.

Once I'm back from this weekend I should sit down and schedual out the coming week in advance. I really don't have enough time these days to fly by the seat of my pants. The convention is just around the corner and I've got a lot to do in the mean time to get ready for it. Then there are other projects going on in my life and preparations for august activities and possibly the crafts fair.

Also too are those pesky must do things like sleep and eat and such. The hours they watse, geesh.

I may disappear for a while after the next post, but know that I am doing my best to get it all done and still have some semblance of a life.

Take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

I'm a nut

It occurs to me that just occasionally I'm a bit off from normal.

Which can be immensly fun at times.

Like walking through the hardware store looking for just the right bits and bobs to finish a project and then having a carpenter ask what you are making because they will recommend a good material for the project. And the blank stares that result when you tell them in a conspiritorial whisper that you are making a ray gun.

Or looking all sad and when asked why you tell somebody that you really wanted to finish the young womans head in a jar in time to show it at the convention but other things are in the way and you just won't have time to devote to it.

Not to mention clockwork fairies and alchemical processes.

Sometimes it can be fun to talk about and surprise people with these project ideas... but there are times it's sort of teadious too. So I just sort of sigh "Nothing".

There are also moments where I catch myself about to share some of these things and realising that it's likely to just get a snort or a head shake at best and comments about too much time and "why?", or even not so subtle redirects about doing something more productive or not being so childish.

It's times like that I find myself realising exactly how outside everything I can sometimes be.
For all the wonders to be found by taking the road less traveled it's a bit saddening at time to realise that not only has nobody broken the trail for you, but there very likely will be nobody to follow behind.

But having tasted the fruits of these foriegn lands returning to the others seems like staring at a washed out old photograph, lacking in vibrant and wild colors and textures.

We really are from completely seperate worlds. As much as they cannot fathom my silly musings and projects I cannot thrive in the mundane world and it seems that the gap gets harder to bridge as time goes by.

What will come of me in the future?

Will I venture out so far one day that I never return and just sort of pinch out of reality?

Take care of yourselves.
Roving jack

Better much better

Got a bit more done today and found some hard to find items, that make the getting of projects done, easier.

I'm less then impressed with the rain, and more then a little PO'd at somebody in the computer labs right now. It's preventing me from doing what I need to do tonight.

But I've still got another blog to do and then I'll see what I can do.

By the way I did get the chance to see Warehouse 13 and was fairly impressed, it's not Lord of the Rings or some ground breaking awe inspireing monument to creative genius, but it was entertaining and does inspire hope for the future episodes.

Some of the items which still photos showed before the release, were far better in action on the screen than anticipated and I am hopeful that they have a long enough run to build the momentum that will allow them to continue to grow and develope. And hopefully the team of writers will be good... or maybe they could look around for some stories... *ahem*.

Anyway, gotta go. Take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack

Not my best day

I was not feeling so good this morning and it effected how the rest of my day went. SO I got less done then I wanted to.

I'm on track with my nerd puzzles though. I totally spaced on bringing my comics in to be scanned, so they will go up tomorrow. As will the Blog entry for the Lady of the mechanism. I didn't have a lot of time tonight.

I mailed off some forms about my job to the proper authorities. I have to take care of another payment thingy sometime soon, and then I've got to plan out the best time to file for small claims court as to not interfere with the time during which I will be out of state.

Then I've got to finish my raygun and another prop, hopefully by saturday when I will try for another members appreciation day down in connecticut and come back up here for another meeting with the freindlies.

Then update the comics and blogs in advance, before buckling down for several days at the apartment to try and cram a lot of last minute projects into the done column before the con.

I've also got to drop off some books to donate to the book sale this summer and try to discover when the League of new hampshire craftsmans fair is.

Oh yeah and in the next day or two I've got to set up my donation site for 31 dyas of art for charity. That gets a start down at the con and Will be a big part of my time in august.

Oh and the last of the message in a bottle project needs doing and sending and then I Post what the first bottle was since it like the other two out there already have seemed to drop off the radar.

It doe seem like an aweful lot. Wonder if I'll have time to check out the pilot for Warehouse 13 on the Hulu thingy. I'm not likely to cry if I don't but I am fairly currious about the show and have no way of watching it at the apartment.

I've gotta do some stuff efore they kick me out.
Take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

Gotted lots done

I feel good that I got a lot done, but as is often the case there is yet more to do and no time to do it.

Take care of yourselves
Roving jack

down to Bussiness

I have done a fair bit of stuff today and think I can be reasonably proud of myself.

I designed and ordered my bussiness cards for each of my webcomics, they should be in color... which is rather funny considering that both comics (the links to the left) are in black and white.

That only cost me just about 20$ for about a thousand cards. Good deal... I think.

I made an order for parts that I will be using to make prop ray guns to sell at the con.

Tomorrow I've gotta do some food shoping and a few errands, but for the most part I'm just working my butt off to get ready for the con and to get my life back in some semblance of order after the move.

Oh and I'm preparing for this coming august.

See last year I did a 31 Short stories in 31 days for charity. That went well thanks to some generous people. This year I do believe that I will be trying for 31 peices of visual art (painting, sculpture ect) in 31 days for charity.

But for now I just have a fair amount of prep to do for the rest of the month.

Take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

So it is earth after all

No I didn't forget what planet I'm on. This has more to do with the concept of elemental influances on my years of late.

I had a fire period, where it was chaotic and constant change. That ran about two years. First year being the chaotic period and the second being a bit of a embracing the fire and finding the good in it.

The two years after that were definately water. Intuition and emotion predominate. That too followed a bit of a pattern of the harsh aspect preceeding the awe and wonder of the pleasing aspect.

Well we are most definately in an earth year for me... and for a while I thought it was going swimmingly, which made me question wether it might be another element all together. But no, it's earth. Dealing with home and finances and a little bit of other stuff with which we will not tempt fate.

The realisation comes on the tail of having to spend almost $500 on my car in the last few days. While not having work for the summer and no guarentee that I will get any come fall. That and the having to fight to get my security deposit back if that even happens (And I imagine I will have to pay something to get the chance to ask for it). That's after the IRS yanked 300 dollars out of my tax return without any explaining.

Oh and did I mention that I've moved into a place where the other person who is responsible for the lease and rent waited until I was mostly moved in to tell me he couldn't pay rent just yet, but he's working on it.

I just have to do my best to weather the tempest that is this down swing. Protect myself and bend like the reeds in a storm so that when the sun comes out on the upswing I can grow with it.

But also like the reed in the wind I am not likely to be silent about it. I may bend and flex but that don't mean I can't be unhappy about it and make a little noise to blow off a little of the tension.

Take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack