I go 'way

I'm sleepy and sore. I'll be back when I'm more collected and capable of intelligent posts.

Take care of yourselves.

Rovingjack

What once was stolen

...is now returned, but in the mean time a few other things have gone missing.

But the good news is he is no longer allowed on the property without filed paper work at the courthouse, and a ploice escort.

Goodbye bloated one.

May you reap what you sow and may your reapings suit you and leave those around you untouched to bare your karma alone.

Take care of yourselves,
Roving jack.

A little at a time...

I remember a story a few years back about a woman who covered a mountainside with flowers, by planting just a few each year.

That what it feels like to move this way. Each day you put in a hours effort on your way to work. and in about a week and a half to two weeks it's all there but the bed. Then you just roll that up and take it over.

You are in and ready to start over.

Being a book lover however has it's drawbacks. Books are heavy. 170 books are really heavy.

Anyway, hopefully things will settle out better here and I can remain here for a good long time, or until I find exactly where I'm supposed to call home for what remains of my life.

I'm sleepy now, go night night soon.

Take care of yourselves,
Roving jack

On shaving

I have shaved.

Once upon a time I had no facial hair that I let grow. Then I hit my junior year in high school and decided to grow some. whispy as it may have been.

Pretty much from that point on I cannot remember ever being without it.

It occured to me the other day that I've not seen my own chin in the mirror for some decade and a half if my memory serves me.

Part of that is fear of the dreaded baby face. I'm not as young as I look and I already get confused for an early to mid twenties. I don't want to be asked what Highschool I go to.

So out of experimental curiousity I shaved it off. and quite frankly I don't think I look all that differant. Though to be fair I used an electric which leaves a little shadow behind and thus the implication of a potential beard. I'll think about it a bit more before I decide wether to grow it back, shave closer or something.

I guess I will say that people at least noticed. Unlike the time in high school where I shaved the right half of my mustache and chin but not the left. Three classes before somebody noticed.

Most people noticed today, and a few ventured that they liked it. Nobody disliked it near as I can tell.

Take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack

Is it wrong...

Is it wrong to become gleeful when a waste of humanity gets slapped upside the head by karma?

I don't actually feel bad about it but some part of me thinks I should feel bad about being happy about the whole thing.

So I'm conflicted.

The thing is, I don't like the idea that I would wish bad things to happen to another person. But if your are going to throw crap staight up you deserve to get it back in your face.

The thing that makes it almost seem okay to laugh about it is, that it's all the doing of the person who is getting it. The sad thing is he will likely blame everybody else for the problems he has. Likely badmouthing them, and never learn a thing from the experiance.

But for the first time in as long as I can remember I'm happy watching somebody take a fall. I look at the individual and see a long list of greivances and abuse of others that lay hidden under the surface, and I think it will be a long fall. And I hope it hurts and ...

Well I hope it leaves you scarred at the very least.

I begin to see the value in some of those old ways of marking people for their crimes. Who would trust their wares to a theif with a T branded into their forehead.

And when you fairly well embody five of the seven deadly sins...

Is it wrong to be gleeful when Karma slaps somebody upside the head?

Take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

I'm sort of binging right now

I anticipate that I will be very busy during november as it is once again national novel writing month.

I will look into a couple of options I have toward having a computer where I live. But even with access when and where I need it I'm going to be very busy. And likely tired.

That on top of some other things and a last two and a half months of time (starting about NOW) to finish up some of the things on my master list for the year.

So I'm working lately, and trying very hard to take care of some premo important things. And at the same time I'm trying my hardest to be social and get human contact in because I'm going to disappear for a while and likely the home stretch will be around the holiday. You know the one at the end of november, whichever that one is.

That day will come and likely my whole world will be tight with trying to make the last writing dash on my novels, and at the same time trying to reintegrate myself with freinds and family. and then trying to carry that momentum over into doing as much of the rest of my master list before december is over. then visiting family and I may or may not actually get work during the last part of december or any part of January. They are moving the kitchen to the new dining complex.

I actually feel tired just thinking about it.

But I'm excited about it.

I'm thinking two novels this year and finishing up two previous novels as well. My two top choices are both fantasy this year, and one of the ones I need to finish is the very first novel I started. Really other than that there is one of last years novels that needs finishing, but I think I just want to second draft the first winning nano novel I did and tidy it up. So that is really just more about editing.

Meanwhile for breaks I will likely be working on master list projects. and maybe getting some fresh air. Watching movies with freinds and cooking meals for some people.

It's gonna be one of those months where it feels like I've compressed a whole year into a month.

Take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

An exercise

I'm still dealing some things that are promising to be less than smoothe, aquiring something of mine back that for all intents and purposes falls into the region of theft now is one of them.

But more pressingly, much of the drama of late comes from where I work. The cutting of hours amongst other people means not enough people to do what needs to get done. The influx of new workers means a lot of mistakes are made and half the people take more time to do the same jobs as the former workers.

There is one however that needs to learn a few things about how to talk to people who are the ones who make the kitchen work.

He is condicending and arrogant in his attempts to run the kitchen, and whiney and underhanded when talking to the management.

Unfortunately the regular floor manager with whom I work is not going to be there for the next few day. Sadly his mother passed away and he is taking time to attend to those affairs. And guess what wonderful person will be filling in for him.

So I will be exercising an option that to the best of my knowledge I've not done maybe more than once or twice in these several years. I will be saying no.

The regular floor manager does right by me, and he respects his workers, and does well.

If he is short a person on the line he has but to ask and I will serve students and have fun doing it and entertaining the students in the process. If the short staffed pasta bar needs sombody to cover for it while the person there takes a break (after six hours of work without a break) then for him I will gladly do it. He needs but ask and I will spend an hour scrubbing skillets in the prepare to order section when the office has failed to schedual a proper worker and the pans need cleaning or the entire area will have to be shut down, I will cover that as well as my usual duties.

But this new guy, the disrespect he has shown and the choices he has made. I have my job to do and I will stick to that. Ask all you want for more from me, the answer is no. I do them as a courtesy and aid to a compatriot. It is your job to see that they are done, and I am not yours to command.

No malice intended, no feelings either way. Simply a system much like my policy on loaning money to others. You get a chance (within a set limit), if you do not return it or otherwise prove you do not take it as a serious responsability to do right, then I will likely never loan you money again.

Many of the other employees are not even going that far with this individual. I've just got to wonder what is wrong with the world when people have to do things in this way to protect themselves.

What ever happened to honourable conduct, respect for others (and their differant ways of life), and hospitality (as our anscestors defined it as a sort of common code which all people should hold themselves).

This is turning into a bit of a harumph, and really I don't feel that way about it, accept maybe the fact that I have to change my way of being to be more resistant and closed. Not my style.

take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack

Transmutation

By taking things down to the simplest form and focussing on working with the important componants I've managed to see possabilities and options available to me again.

So now that three option plan is unfolding to a series of options and potential that can allow me to do differant things. Each one with advantages and potential to lead into the other ideas.

With time and patiance a thread becomes a web, each strand supporting others covering more area and allowing for motion from one strand to another when individual strands become compromised.

And near as I can tell, it's not been compromised at all by a bit of the drama of recent days.

That's been the hardest part for me. Drama.

I like new things and puzzles and challenges, but when drama comes along I don't know what to do with it. It's not my area. You can't find the answer to drama, it's not a question. You can't prove or disprove it, and you certainly oppose it.

As much as we try to pretend otherwise it's a prevading fog in life. A love one is hurt, a relationship fails, a job becomes tripped up in beurocrasies. The emotional reaction to these types of things is where the drama comes from, and while the thing itself might be changed or overcome the emotions of it can't so easily be forgotten or dealt with.

Drama can be good and it can be bad, like many things in life, and even which it is can depend on the person and their individual tastes.

But for me, it just confuses me, and tangles my feet so other things get put on hold.

But maybe I should try to see about working with it. Design some tools and techniques for dealing with it. But for now there are priorities. Once I'm on more stable footing I can see about the dramatic aspects of life.

Take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

Now I have the giggles.

I worked extra today, doing dishes and emptying out a broken freezer. And I sort of enjoyed it. And as a bonus I got many of those compliments to the effect of being able to be counted on and such.

I'm dirty and drenched.

A hostile bully in my life has just made me laugh so hard that there were very nearly tears. I love when idiots think they are brilliant and just prove themselves to be the biggest joke and still don't realise their mistakes.

I'm also immensly happy with the karma that the fool is reaping.

I've also apparently gained one or two freinds from the experiance, and that's an interesting experiance. I'm freinds with people but this is uniquely differant. It's harder, and tricky. I sort of like that sometimes. It's not always fun but intresting is good too.

Not sure what it is, maybe it's the energy of the people, many of the people around me that I call friends are often times like like the willows in a windstorm, calmly bending and bobbing and weathering the storm. These people now seem to have a bit more of the storm in them.

Good for some things, not so much for others. But having only one type of freind is like eating peas and chicken exclusively. It will keep you alive but it's hardly ideal.

So I guess the biggest differance is that right now I got a little cold blooded. I did my best to meet certain requirements and am still going to wait and see what some of the next few days turn out for me. But I've seen to my responsabilities to others. Now I just need to see to my needs and if others would like to come along that's fine.

It's much easier that way. And once that is all taken care of I will settle back into living my life the best I know how, moving ever forward toward plans and ideas that I once thought way too pipe dream to reach and now I can't imagine not heading toward them.

take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack

I feel queasey, can I get off this ride?

Worst day ever, followed by a day of annoyance that I got to watch turn into a very posative experiance and felt all wonderful about, then a day of dashed hopes and what feels like a callous slap in the face considering what I've been doing. Then a stuttering inability to actually recoup from a fairly minor setback because communication seems to be disrupted in some bizarre way.

Very tower of Babel.

Really, it's not some big production. I had a primary plan that hinged on approval from an outside source. I have a back up plan, requiring a meeting soon, and there is a tertiary plan should it come to that. And failing all that I can have freinds and family help for a bit. We arn't even there yet.

What's more The back up plan was the primary plan for a while and we all seemed on board with that. Something sweeter came along and we went for it, It turned sour, but nothing wrong was done to cause it as near as I see. If you know otherwise please by all means point it out.

So now the back up is back up at the front. It's still a viable option as far as I can see and still an improvement. I plan to do my part for it. I don't see what the issue is.

Really it is three simple questions:
Do you have a plan?
What do you see as my responsabilities in the plan for the future?
What's the schedual look like?

Simply put I've got my answers and had them from the start.

I've got a plan, it has a three part solution and a family and freind bail out as described above. It's in progress and it's not failing or changing in any way that I can see.

Responsabilities to me by others are simple. Don't commit me to anything without making sure I'm able to do it (and willing too I guess, but even that is negotiable if it's not frequent and abusive). Let me know what you want and I'll do my best for you. And don't expect perfection the first time out.

My schedual is simple too. 1pm to 430 pm on week days unless it's an emergency. Noon to midnight on weekends unless it's an emergency or otherwise schedualed. Check first because you are not the only persons who asks of my time. I will squeeze you in. The currant plan has eight to ten more days to make work. after that twenty some days.

Longer term plans are available if need be.

I never say something I can't follow through with, and thus I leave wiggle room in my life for Murphies law, and my illness. Not one of my freinds or family have had a serious complaints about my not being there for them and rarely do I ask much of others.

We all have bad days and I'm not the most straight forward communicator in some ways and I certainly am not perfect, but I like to think I'm dependable. I'm also not much of one for waiting. Okay sometimes I'm arther impatiant, which is amusing for somebody who can occasionally be late.

To sumarise, I know what I have to do for me. What do you want me to help with or do for you? I can and have adjusted the former for people and never begrudge them that.
If I can't do it I'll say, and if I can do it I'll tell you I think I can do it (murphies law, failing to anticipate it has caused a fair number of folks undue stress).

I've got contingencies as that is really what security is about. And I'm flexible, and that is what freedom is about. I know that in many ways you cannot be completely free and still be secure and you cannot be completely safe and be truely free. Some balance is required.

I think I strike a decent balance for me right now, if you have another idea I'm free and flexible enough to give it a try. But again ask and I'll tell you what I can do.

Half the wipsawing in my life right now is due to too many guessing games about what others are expecting and what I need to do for others.

This is way too long now and I'm not going to get any clearer on my position. I should hope that it makes sense to most of the people who read this even if they arn't involved in any of the things that lead to this post.

Take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack