I feel queasey, can I get off this ride?

Worst day ever, followed by a day of annoyance that I got to watch turn into a very posative experiance and felt all wonderful about, then a day of dashed hopes and what feels like a callous slap in the face considering what I've been doing. Then a stuttering inability to actually recoup from a fairly minor setback because communication seems to be disrupted in some bizarre way.

Very tower of Babel.

Really, it's not some big production. I had a primary plan that hinged on approval from an outside source. I have a back up plan, requiring a meeting soon, and there is a tertiary plan should it come to that. And failing all that I can have freinds and family help for a bit. We arn't even there yet.

What's more The back up plan was the primary plan for a while and we all seemed on board with that. Something sweeter came along and we went for it, It turned sour, but nothing wrong was done to cause it as near as I see. If you know otherwise please by all means point it out.

So now the back up is back up at the front. It's still a viable option as far as I can see and still an improvement. I plan to do my part for it. I don't see what the issue is.

Really it is three simple questions:
Do you have a plan?
What do you see as my responsabilities in the plan for the future?
What's the schedual look like?

Simply put I've got my answers and had them from the start.

I've got a plan, it has a three part solution and a family and freind bail out as described above. It's in progress and it's not failing or changing in any way that I can see.

Responsabilities to me by others are simple. Don't commit me to anything without making sure I'm able to do it (and willing too I guess, but even that is negotiable if it's not frequent and abusive). Let me know what you want and I'll do my best for you. And don't expect perfection the first time out.

My schedual is simple too. 1pm to 430 pm on week days unless it's an emergency. Noon to midnight on weekends unless it's an emergency or otherwise schedualed. Check first because you are not the only persons who asks of my time. I will squeeze you in. The currant plan has eight to ten more days to make work. after that twenty some days.

Longer term plans are available if need be.

I never say something I can't follow through with, and thus I leave wiggle room in my life for Murphies law, and my illness. Not one of my freinds or family have had a serious complaints about my not being there for them and rarely do I ask much of others.

We all have bad days and I'm not the most straight forward communicator in some ways and I certainly am not perfect, but I like to think I'm dependable. I'm also not much of one for waiting. Okay sometimes I'm arther impatiant, which is amusing for somebody who can occasionally be late.

To sumarise, I know what I have to do for me. What do you want me to help with or do for you? I can and have adjusted the former for people and never begrudge them that.
If I can't do it I'll say, and if I can do it I'll tell you I think I can do it (murphies law, failing to anticipate it has caused a fair number of folks undue stress).

I've got contingencies as that is really what security is about. And I'm flexible, and that is what freedom is about. I know that in many ways you cannot be completely free and still be secure and you cannot be completely safe and be truely free. Some balance is required.

I think I strike a decent balance for me right now, if you have another idea I'm free and flexible enough to give it a try. But again ask and I'll tell you what I can do.

Half the wipsawing in my life right now is due to too many guessing games about what others are expecting and what I need to do for others.

This is way too long now and I'm not going to get any clearer on my position. I should hope that it makes sense to most of the people who read this even if they arn't involved in any of the things that lead to this post.

Take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack