in memoriam

Today I saw something horrible happen, it was sensless and sad.

A crime commited by the city I live in, at least it seems a crime to me.

To strong and healthy lives cut short and their remains left out in the open for all to see.

The city I live in decided to cut down to health maple trees right outside our front door.

If it had been humans I think we would all be aghast at the trucks coming in and choping all the limbs off them and putting them through the mulcher.

The thing that gets me is there really was no reason to do it that I can see. Prune them maybe if you must but to carve them up into little peices and leave their mutilated trunks there dieing.

But on top of that to waste full grown strong and healthy maple wood by just chipping and mulching it.

It changes the heat index of the front of the house, and now we can see clear down the street and ill repaired sidewalks, hear more of the ... city detritus. and we can see that ugly strange cement ... thing in our neighbors yard and we have no idea what it is... my guess is something to do with sewage, because I sure would swim in something that looked like that.

Not only is the shade gone but the green is gone. It makes the street look just that little bit more dead.

Despair city dwellers, look upon our lifeless asphalt expanse and despair, for we are your masters taking what light grows in the world and squelching it beneath our heel. So sayth the city god.

Take care of yourselves, and your green cousins.
Roving Jack

Oh come on!

Seriously, that's where you end the series? With that?

That's like ending the star wars franchise with empire strikes back.

What are you thinking?

Sorry just had to get that off my chest. We will return to our regularly garbbled stream of conciousness in a moment.

Take care of yourselves... for the next few minutes.
Roving Jack

Hopeful

I've about a week or so before I've got to head back to work the kitchens, so I've got to tidy up some affairs and get myself into a routine to see about getting things done while still working earning the pay checks.

But Hopefully I'll be more productive this year then last and keep moving forward in many of my plans.

Unfortunately or fortunately depending on your view I'm running toward the end of the tv show I've been watching on hulu.

It's enjoyable and I may have to track it down on DVD at some point, it shares a lot with Children of the atom by Wilmar Shiras (might be spelled wrong) which is one of my favorate books of all time. I reread those stories on a semi regular basis.

But once I'm done watching the show I'll have a bit more time to put towards my goals.

Which I should get to reviewing now. Take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack

I gots

I gots food.

I gots water.

I gots money.

I gots a place to live.

I gots Goober updated (no thanks to drunkduck and their system failure for twelve hours yesterday).

I gots books to read.

So I can rest better while I gots sick from the lack of sleep, unable to eat at the right times and not able to have much in the way of transportable food, work stress thing yesterday.

Yeah but I knew it was coming so no suprise. I should be better by the end of tomorrow.

Still gots stuff to do.
YOU gots to take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack

Sorta happy

Map done, wake early for meeting done, gas in car done, and looked up panyo and didn't understand any of the result. I did some other things too.

But mostly its nice to get some of the stuff off the list and be able to plot out where to next. I've still got a whole boat load of stuff to do and all but I figure that I can apply myself to my remaining tasks with a bit more of an even keel.

I was asked by somebody yesterday if I still do some of the projects that I occasionally do... or was it phrased as the stuff I'm always doing.

He wasn't really deeply intrested and likely couldn't recall or remember any one specific project, and that's fine. It just reminded me of all that has been going on and that I've been doing.

I still sometimes have to stop and marvel that it's only been a summer since I saw some of these people, and yet it feels like a far greater stretch of time has passed. Yet the beginnings of all this seem only yesterday and infinately far back in some ways.

My life is only begging to release it's potential and already it feels a wild managerie of dreamscapes have paraded out and swathed the world in so many colours and patterns.

(yeah bear with me, my back hurts and I've got less then three hours sleep over the last 36 hours).

it's like every kid gets a box of crayons with which to draw their world with and I discovered that underneath the standard colors like blue and green were things like 'amusing blasphemy', 'vivid whispers' and 'algorythmic symphany'.

I think it's something like falling awake.

Take care of yourselves.
Roving jack

Okayish

Okay got some of all that taken care of. Now I've got to get back and try to get a few more things done before coming to a meeting early tomorrow.

Grrr this is going to annoy me and upset my system for a few day, especially with everything else going on right now.

Anyway, I've got to take care of a few things before they kick me out. I should have lots of time tomorrow, considering all I've got to do, that is a good thing. But I'm gonna be one heck of tired.

Take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack.

Gaaaaahh!

I've got a lot to do over the next twenty four hours.

A I've got to get some gas in the car tonight. Cash in the rest of my coins tomorrow. That should get me through the next week fine and I've more money to arrive in a day or so.

I've got to finish painting a map for a quasi-commission by tomorrow night, Before the socrates cafe meeting (likely my last one for the forseeable future).

I've also got to get to work on redesigning the sketches for a commission prop. Actually it's two of them but one is better tried as a paper model photographed.

Then I've got to wake up early on Wednsday for an 8 am to four pm mandatory meeting at the school where I intend to earn paychecks again this year. That's likely to upset my system for a few days.

Then I've got to get ready to return to work the following week probably.

I've also got to juggle some financial things that are way last min. But should go through just in time. Then there is paying the state of connecticut (I promise I will save that rant for a better time).

Then there is the lattter I really need to send to my genetic sister.

and I still havn't looked up Panyo for my sister.

At some point cricket really should get an air filter and a pcv replacement which I can do... with the spare money I'll have in a week or so.

All that and getting back on course with word puzzles, comic making, story writing and a few other things that need doing to get some of my goals done and get me ready for the impending Nanowrimo in Nov. While working and creating.

Peice of cake... cranberry mustard cake with ranch icing maybe. (yay a runcible food, I thought of one last night, blue cheese flavored cotton candy... mmmmm)

Gaaaaahhhh!
take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

Hardening plastic or threshhold

I'm sure I owe a bit more on the front of story in the connecticon and such but theres been something that's been on my mind lately.

Some of you know me and interact with me enough to doubt what I'm about to say, because well it seems improbable for some. Just keep in mind it's all relative.

I'm a creative sort, I long ago discovered the wonders of the plasticity of the human brain. and I play with my brain.

It's one of the true pleasures in my life to be able to change my mind, literally. From pondering hard science to devising a story or joke based on word play, to creating images so abstract that they border on madness enducing.

I flip from one to the other with relative ease and joy, trying new things as if i've been practicing them for a while (mainly because I have, in my head) and thinking of things to try that others never even though of before.

Example range from deep fried origami to glass resists in the soldering step of stained glass to give added control to laying down the beaded solder.

These ideas get laugh and praise by others, and it's heartening to know there is some appreciation of these idea, no matter how uncomfortable with praise I can often be.

But lately I've noticed something that sort of worries me. I don't know what causes it...

Is it that I've got so much on my plate now that I've found the limits to my plasticity, my brain simple saying this far and no farther (until at least we clear a bit of this up to make more room). Or is it a sign that I am loosing that ability all together.

Things that used to come to me in a snap sometimes don't come to me right away, and changing directions and gears is more likely to be more bumpy now then it has in the past.

Am I loosing it, or have I found my threshhold. Is this something I can force myself past, like moments past.

For All I know it's just some blip in my path, but ...

I don't know, I'm sure it kind of seems silly. But imagine for a second that you live your life as is right now, and you have the ability to levitate half an inch off the floor. Some people are amazed some can't imagine what real use it would be, but through it all it's something you are proud of about yourself.

you play at it and experiment with it, for more time and differant positions, but one day you find that you arn't able to increase the amount of time, and another you falter while doing something you've done a hundred times before.

What would you do at that moment? Might you post your random stream of thought to the web to vent them?

I don't know, it's stupid, but there it is,
take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

Or not

I'll instead see prospective new housemates and wonder if I will fracture their fagile little brains with my innate me-ness.

Then I will drive here and eat my lun in the dark rainy parkinglot listening to celtic folk music.

Then I'll come in here and do a few quick projects before disssolving my remaining hours watching a sci-fi program.

it's intresting to realise how much of my time can be eaten by the watching of a program or two, and I really wonder sometimes if it is in fact a matter of choosing to live a life or watch a life being lived.

I'm not saying that some of the shows I've watched arn't good, or that they have no value, but as I've learned in the recent years, my ability to do things is limited only by my ability to do things.

It sounds like a Yogi-ism, but really and truely I have finite time to live in and parceling out that time means marking out what truely matters and what one wishesto apply themselves to. I may watch a bit more from time to time, But I think I must choose more carefully how I apply myself to my life.

I have goals I want to see realised and a person I want to have been by the time has come to look back on my life.

Take care of yourselves.
Roving jack.

Where are we...

Well I've watched a bit more tv on the web, thanks to my new one dollar headphones.

See I took all the pennies I had to one of those coin thinies and recieved my six dollars from the lady at the register. Then went to the dollar store and bought a pair of cheap earphones.

Now I can watch all kinds of silliness. Like today I for unknown reasons decided to watch the first episode of Buck rogers (from the 80s). It was kind of funny.

Next time I think I shall look up and see if I can track down an episode of the smurfs that I'm curious about.

See I remember there being a clockwork smurf but apparently there was a clockwork smurfette too. So research is in order.

Yes it's a silly thing but really those can sometimes be some of the best things in the world.

Be silly and take care of yourselves,
Rovingjack

No fair

stupid cheap headphones, I want to fritter away my time watching a canceled program on the net and you cut the sound out.

Now I must aquire another pair of headphones before I can resume my watching. And I know the show is not that good but well my house mate had it playing the two days I stayed home sick and I have to admit I like the premise and some of the character concepts. It's also picking up intrest from my muses to get me back on track for some of my other projects which I've woefully been neglecting.

Nobody showed for tonights socrates cafe, caan't really be too upset. it allowed me to get here and do some things I'd have otherwise had to put off until tomorrow. But I can't watch my silly show now. Sigh.

I know it all sounds stupid, but sometimes that's just how I want to be.
Take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack

Being snotty

I've got a cold. I'm stayin at the apartment tomorrow and maybe the next day.

I need to recover enough to get to the 8am meeting about working again this year. Miserable day walking people and their foolish scheduals.

Honestly what is the facination with sleep deprivation in sunrise sunset scheduals in this culture. Like we should be proud about getting only five hours of sleep. "It mean I'm working hard." Bull it means you like abuse and functioning below optimum.

What is so bloody wrong with a good eight hours and being up at the quietest wee hours in the morning to sample the beauty of the cooler crisp air the starts or thunder in the night sky. A moon or meteor shower. the patter of rain in the night. Long talk outside conveniance stores with stoners and shell shocked, scitzophrenic vietnam vets getting their lives back under them.

Days can be nice too. But lucky for me I'm up during that part too.

Carpe Noctum
take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

Right, well anyway

I did some things, watched some things and feared some things.

On with the story I guess.

Driving driving driving. It goes faster when you're stressed and slightly paniced. At least that is my recollection.

I got there and tried to figure out a good place to park. I was pretty tired by that time. I made it to the hotel.

Talked to the person at the desk and yes the convention rate is infact applied and I do have a fridge for my medical needs in my room.

We'll just take your card. Putting the cost of the entire stay plus 50 percent on it, the latter will be returned at the end of the stay or within several bussiness days.

Wait what?

So after emptiing most of the money from my pockets to make my bank accounts match to the needed cost we will be running an additional 50%. It's a bit late to be tossing that at me now.

But it went through. I'm assuming because they went with credit card rather then debit.

Anyway I went to get my badge for the con, and eat. Then I went to figure out parking arrangments. Turns out it's 18 dollars a day max charge or you could buy a thursday through 6pm sunday pass for 60. Or a friday through 6pm sunday for 40. Unless my math is very very off, I think I'll pay the daily rate for thursday (especially since I was there for all of five hours before it was friday) and get a friday to sunday pass.

Only that would be all my money. I mean all of it.

But A lovely freind and supporter of mine was more then generous about it. And for that I shall get her back, mwah ha ha ha.

So glory onto the finally bloody there and set. Now It's time to work on several of the projects that need finishing and to prepare to get going early (for me anyway) the next morning.

Fortunately I remembered my loose change bin in my trunk. Never made it in from the last time I moved. Not counting pennies... 30 something dollars. Now I can give change at the table. and counting change is soothing in some ways.

Assemble the ready componants for ray gun... well two of each model to start with anyway. Get materials for Sigils runes and sacred geometry panel, pack up wheely crate (can't believe somebody tried throwing this away a year ago, it's so useful) and try to sleep.

So Ended the getting there part of the trip.

I shall return to the story in time.
Take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack

Crazy

Crazy inspired.

Geeze it's like I suddenly woke up or something. I've been getting inspiration in explosive globs for the last twenty four hours or so. You know in the time when the computer labs where closed, the only scanner I know of is not working and all the stores close early for sunday.

GAH!

Gotta remember that this is exactly why I have the notebooks I've had for years. Those moments when my head gets ready to go all 'splody and stuff. Get it down in the note books so that when it all settles out you can use the less inspired moments to make them real.

I was really caught this evening by a moment of a work in progress gelling in my mind.

It's almost impossable to describe the feel of it for me. One moment I'm sitting in my car eatting the must be eaten meal in the parking lot listening to the tail end of an important song for me. The next min some idea that was adrift in the back of my whirling mind quietly humming to itself (that's sort of how I am able to function, just function on the surface and let the rest bounce around in the back of my head, conciously there but not spilling out into the rest of the world).

Then Boom, it muscles it's way to the front knocking even autonomic functions like chewing and swallowing out of the way.

Here is an idea of esentially an antagonis for a story with lightly defined setting and a protagonist, that has now shown me how the peices fit together and how the Antagonist is a victim of the allies and the circumstances and that shattered hearts can cause war. The setting has becoe much richer and the story more tragic. Images and scenes dance before my eyes, and I feel the emotion that's key to evocative story writing.

It's all happening in a few blinks of an eye as I sit in the parking lot with food in my hand. It leaves me marveling for the next half an hour before I can pull myself together to get in here and take care of things that need doing.

It's awing some times. And when that happens multiple times a day it means I've not enough time in my world to do it let alone just absorb it all.

To the notebooks.

Take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack

Again time runs out

But at least today I got some writing done.
I'll come back tomorrow.
I'm having fun writing again.

I did get a call from work to see if I'm coming back again. So I'll attend to that. then I think this is the saturday I've a group meeting on.

But yeah some time tomorrow

Take care of yourselves.
Rovingjack

The day for adventure

Right where was I....

Ah yes, the night before the drive down and my car Cricket is hopefully well and ready.

So I try to sleep... try being the operative word as I have many a project to finish up and items still to pack for the journey. The food has been cook over long hours. Then frozen. It's an awful lot of food. Four days worth.

It's mainly just peas and Chicken thighs. and a bottle of honey shall accompany them.

But sleep is fleeting as I struggle for it. Eventually the time comes where despite being the second or third night of less than six hours sleep it is time to get ready.

I have some few errand to do before I head down to connecticut and of all the obnoxious hastles in the world these are but minnor ones. I figure I can get what I need at a local store. Only to find that they have not what I seek.

They do have an ATM however and I decide to check my finances again. I know that at the end of it all I should come out just above broke but checking is always a good idea.

Well let the panic ensue, as I have one third what aught to be in there. frantically I drive all the way up to the capital city wher the bank I most often deal with in person is and proceed to check on my account.

It seems that the hotel has already withdrawn the first days costs and it is a goo twenty dollars more then anticipated (likely the taxes). Well I scrounge out the last bit of money in my pockets and build my account up again. Aware now that I will likely spend the remainder of the month with three dollars in my pocket and buying food with gift cards from the holidays and my birthday (unless I make anything at my table at the con).

I call to check with the hotel which By this point I'm due to check into and I still have a three hour drive to get there... and twice through tolls (for about 1.10 each). It's settled and I've found the last few things I need for my projects for the con for small currency.

It's time to head down. Well almost, one more little errand first. I had to stop at a certain filtered water fountain to top off my empty bottles of water. See with my illness, drinking the city water in any area while traveling is not a good idea. And unfortunately the place where I live has water so chlorinated it will strip paint.

So began the trip down to connecticut. Wonderfully stressful way to begin.

Take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack

Where

seriously where does the time go, I got here nice and early and yes I had lots to do but I've been here for hours and now there is no more time for some thing yet to be done.

Sigh I'll try for either tomorrow or the day after.

Take care of yourselves.
Roving Jack

ps : so much for a little down time and slowing down once I get back, haha, onward adventure.

A harrowing experiance all around

If you know me you know by now that when I tell about things that happen in my life it's either an all or nothing way of doing it. Either I'm quiet and don't say much or I tell the epic saga of buying peas at the store.

I think it's just the story teller in me.

So without further ado... The Epic Saga of my trip to connecticon.

It began in, of all places, my car. Known as Cricket. She is a little black three door coup with the back and passenger seat cluttered in a way that baffles me as to how it continualy happens.

I'd just had the brakes 'fixed' in order to pass inspection a month ago and it had cut my savings near in half, which makes the summer living that much harder for me until school begins again and I get work again.

The brakes are still not working the way I feel they should but the repair shop tells me that they fixed it all up.

So imagine my suprise when nearly a month after that and a few days before my three hour drive to connecticut is to take place, my brakes fail on me.

The individual in front of me came to a rather sudden stop, forcing me to try to do the same... only the pedal sponges out underneath my foot and the car keeps moving forward.

Fate was on my side, as we had been in a slow traffic area and headed up hill.

Sucker that I am for tempting fate at moments like this I made my way to the nearest store I knew that had car care supplies. Driving with mostly no brakes and a serious case of frayed nerves.

Once parked it was quickly discovered that the brake fluid drum was empty. Again fate was on my side. Brake fluid is cheap and I am poor.

Once it was topped off Cricket worked as if nothing were wrong. The garage couldn't see it the next day but the day before I was to head down to the convention they looked at it and found an old seal that they hadn't replaced when they did the brakes and surmised by the discolouring of the area around it that the brake fluid had been leaking slowing over the month.

They fixed it up and said it was right as rain, free of charge as well.

And so begins the adventure, more to come.

Take care of yourselves.
Rovingjack

Wow

Even if it is a greatly imprecise word, it suits the situation.
As is often the case here I'm going to just post off the top of my head, and thus hope to be given forgivness for by occassional struggles with what disability makes me incapable of spelling and such.

That and I'm a bit tired and physically recovering (both generally and illness wise) from a wonderfully fun weekend with more then a few stressors.

There is something about me that I might not convey overly well at times, that being that I am quite shy, and more then a bit socially awkward. Praise and such often confuse me and I get flustered.

So when I get asked to sign autographs, get many compliments on my arts and crafts and get people wanting photos with me, I may seem lost or distant.

I really need to get better at that, especially if I'm to keep upping the quantity and quality of my projects.

I will be posting a bit over the next few days aboutthe convention this year and my experiances there. I'm still a bit tired.

I did post a link to my deviant art account though for those intrested.

I've a bit of other stuff totake care of tonightr thenI'm going to get some sleep.
take care of yourselves,
Rovingjack