How it feels to not

Okay this may seem like a deliberate set up or an experiment, but truthfully I've ended a day without writing and setting myself up with even more to complete before the end of the month.

I managed to get seven thousand words on one story last night, my last night technically to those of you out in the common time stream it would have been wedensday night. Even when I'm not deep in the altered time frame of creation mode I don't live in the regular time mode of most of the world.

Anyway I then proceeded to do no writing today (again that would be your thursday and technically my today). I try to justify it by saying I'll make up for it by distributing the word load to tomorrow and saturday and sunday. I've go to write 23 thousand words to make my goal and over three days that is only seven thousand each day. I did that each day this past four day weekend.

I also try to see it as just a natural reaction to having gone a long way over the last day and working seventy seven thousand words in ... checking calander... goodness, are you serious i've only been working on this for two weeks.

I'm nuts. when all is said and done I'll hopefully look back on two and a half weeks wherein I completed one hundred thousand dollars. No wait that should be one hundred thousand words, I wish that there was a dollar for every word I produced in the two and a half weeks (was a typo but it brings up a very interesting point). So why do I do it to myself, why do I challenge myself to this sort of crazy brain melting stretch of writing? What is the reward?

I like to think being part of the act of creation is reward in and of itself. Artists and dreamers and teachers and parents are involved in such acts of creation. Boy that sounds hokey but it's part of how I feel about my creative ventures these days.

They are my way of creating something, manifesting it from within myself.

Here is the big revelation though, I spent so many years of my life thinking that these things were simply intresting ideas and then trying to not waste my time on them while I should be doing other things. When I look back at that now and marvel that I'm so obtuse.

I've discovered that I'm a creative person who spent too much time trying to figure out that he was a creative person.

So That is why I do these things that I do now, but even creative people cannot go at full speed all the time. And So days like today happen but it doesn't make it feel any less like a betrayal of that creativity I've embraced recently.

It's a little jumbled and confused and a bit tired, and that's about how I feel when I do not ... write like a nut or otherwise saddle up and ride with my muses (yes plural, apparently I was gifted with more then one).

I've gotta see about doing something tonight and then working like crazy tomorrow.
I'll get back to you on monday, and let you all know how it turned out.
Take care of yourselves,
Roving Jack